The right to choose option for assessment

So I just messaged my GP in the way I would usually to book an appointment,  then received a message back with the questions to answer and AQ10. When I had filled that all in they sent me the information about Right to choose and I picked Problem shared. I hope it will be okay because no one else here has mentioned them. It has all been sent off and I am now waiting to hear back. 
I am doubting myself about whether I can possibly be autistic as I’m not young! But all my test scores are very high and I relate to show many other people’s experiences. 

Age doesn't matter.

If you are autistic you were born that way and will die that way. Your brain is wired differently.

With age you just figure out better how to work around or hide the differences.

I know I would have been born autistic but just wonder how it’s not been noticed before now. It was a therapist who suggested it. I’m obviously good at masking? 

Yes, I know what you mean. I jumped from one to another and it was never easy. I worked in therapy and wonder how no one figured this out? It's mind boggling how 'hidden in plain sight' it is. We have to forgive others whilst still recognising the injustice. 

It’s sad to think so many people hurt like I do. 

I have found working life hard along the way too. Not every part of it but I feel more than others. 

Yeah I feel just all this. I’m very tired after a couple of hours socialising, yet most people I know can go for hours, if I try I just end up crying or going very quiet and hurting inside. 

I am 53 and also wonder how it was never noticed. When I was retired from my job because of ill health, I saw many different neurologists and 3 therapists. I was assessed for fittness in my role so specifically they were looking at why I could not do certain things and was always unwell. To me, now it's obvious it was a burn out. 

I think I also kept things to myself though, mostly the mental health side of things. I was really attached to hanging onto my career in the beginning so I guess it's not surprising. I was probably my own worst enemy in getting diagnosed. 

Depression becomes the norm and anxiety becomes your go to natural way of thinking and perception. 

I played it down with a counsellor who just saw the depression, my GP 4 years ago was lost, so i sought a private clinical psychologist who twigged after 2-3 sessions. I data dumped and there were some things that stood out. I had a lot buried that I couldn't make sense of.

As a child you may have behaved in a certain way, that then received a punishment, the brain constantly learns, next time I will act this way. That receives a positive outcome, you have started masking and so it carries on.  We become very good at masking and believe our behaviour is normal to us.
Many autistic people are treated for depression and anxiety, I don’t think many GP,s can see the reason past it. I was told that I didn’t produce enough serotonin. I stopped taking antidepressants in the end as I didn’t feel any different. 
It’s  a shock when you finally realise you are autistic, it shatters who you think you are, it makes you question everything about yourself. I remember feeling hurt and angry, I’m reasonably intelligent, how did I miss this?

I can remember coming home from work and most evenings having to lie on my bed and listen to music, I just thought I was tired.

Yes it was the other issues, I have had nhs mental health treatment for a while but limited amounts are available aren’t they. So I found myself a private therapist, it’s been a mix of stuff we have dug up from my past, but I think she’s noticed something others haven’t. 
I'm glad i am not the only one who has been through this. 

Snap. If you can't talk about your struggles and keep the depression to yourself, feeling down in the evenings, save for the odd outburst, people might think you awkward or spiky or just think you're having a bad day.

Depression is pretty common. It's not something anyone would mention unless you go to your GP and raise it. Then you'll underplay it, I did, and you just carry on.

Then eventually it all gets to the point where you can't explain you behaviours, thoughts and past away and you suspect something is up.

You seem to have come to the conclusion you''re autistic, but I never thought I was. I just knew something was wrong that I couldn't hide.

Burnout or some similar crisis is the trigger for quite a few people. You normally think it doesn't seem that bad and you don't want to trouble anyone, there are worse off people, but you get to the point where you think I really need help.

I don't think it is often the autism that causes people to seek help, its the co-occuring issues.

Oh I’ll have a little read later thanks. 

Oh I’ll have a little read later thanks.