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Gaslighting

Chloe1980

What experience have you guys had of gaslighting? So I think my husband has been gaslighting me, it’s pretty obvious to me now I know I’m autistic but I questioned it for years , now I’m unmasking I confront him on it, it happens about twice a day he will say something , usually hurtful but not obviously so then later when I’ve absorbed it he says no I didn’t say that , when did I say it? And get loud and upset. I have been pushing it more and not accepting it like I used to then he says he does t remember saying it and says why would I say that? And I say I don’t kniw, you tell me? For years I thought I was crazy but I’m not he says these things. Oh and also sometimes he admits to saying the thing but now he knows I’m autistic he says ive taken it the wrong way, so it a mix of all that.

Parents

  • Oh man I dealt with someone that acted that way back in high school that messed me up really bad. I totally understand:

    Chloe1980 said:
    usually hurtful but not obviously so then later when I’ve absorbed it

    The same thing would happen to me where I wouldn’t recognize it as a hurtful statement at first, but then over time realize how messed up it was. As time went on I became more hyper-vigilant and eventually became able to recognize it as it was said. I still remember clearly what she said that I finally called her out on it in the moment. “Somebody needs some DO” (she mumbled that to make me think I needed deodorant, I didn’t need it). So I snapped around and said sternly: “What was that?” She was shocked and responded “Uh, nothing. I didn’t say anything.” So I said “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

    That was the last time she bothered to gaslight me ever again. Or even speak to me, now that I think about it. She knew I couldn’t be fooled anymore.

    I tell this story to say that eventually you’ll be able to recognize it in the moment, now that you’re aware that you’re being consistently gaslit. Once you call this person out in the moment, it’ll make it clear that behavior is not acceptable. I really hate that Autistic people like us get bullied because we’re not as able to pick up cues or meanings right away.

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  • Oh man I dealt with someone that acted that way back in high school that messed me up really bad. I totally understand:

    Chloe1980 said:
    usually hurtful but not obviously so then later when I’ve absorbed it

    The same thing would happen to me where I wouldn’t recognize it as a hurtful statement at first, but then over time realize how messed up it was. As time went on I became more hyper-vigilant and eventually became able to recognize it as it was said. I still remember clearly what she said that I finally called her out on it in the moment. “Somebody needs some DO” (she mumbled that to make me think I needed deodorant, I didn’t need it). So I snapped around and said sternly: “What was that?” She was shocked and responded “Uh, nothing. I didn’t say anything.” So I said “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

    That was the last time she bothered to gaslight me ever again. Or even speak to me, now that I think about it. She knew I couldn’t be fooled anymore.

    I tell this story to say that eventually you’ll be able to recognize it in the moment, now that you’re aware that you’re being consistently gaslit. Once you call this person out in the moment, it’ll make it clear that behavior is not acceptable. I really hate that Autistic people like us get bullied because we’re not as able to pick up cues or meanings right away.

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