Counselling doubts

You are here Mercury, there is a part of you that’s calling out for help, there’s a strong desire to change yourself for the better and to see yourself in a better light that’s more comfortable for you. I would continue with any therapy you feel is appropriate for you. Everyone is entitled to feel the way they feel, feel the emotions they feel, there is nothing abnormal about that. Therapy is there for people like us, even the autistic people can benefit from a listening ear, someone to help us see things from another perspective.

My true problems are specific and perhaps inappropriate.  They are unemployment, feeling inferior and redundant, lacking more rewarding relationships of my own and wanting to feel something more positive than anxiety, contempt or antipathy. All largely of my own action or inaction.

I think a REALLY important aspect of starting counselling/therapy is have a clear understanding of what it is you want to happen.

I have gone into lots of unsuccessful counselling sessions (with various professionals at various times in my life) and the times at the start it was always rubbish and unsuccessful, the reason being because when I went there and when asked what they could do I would reply honestly but without any achievable goals

"I just want to be happy"

"I don't want to be me anymore"

"I don't want to feel so hopeless with life" 

We would talk, sometimes for months, I'd explain all about my childhood, about every experience I had which has upsetting and traumatic, talk about something that happened that day which really broke me. There was never any conclusion, each session would just be talking.  The way therapists work tend to be client based, so if I went in wanting to talk about X, that's what we'd talk about.

Then I got diagnosed with Autism and things began to make sense, I was so sad, isolated and lonely because I'd spent my life trying to be neurotypical when I'm not.  There were SO many tributary problems associated with that central premiss, it was hard to know where to start.

Things are still hard now, but knowing myself better (thanks to reading and knowing more through meeting and talking to other autistic people), I'm able to highlight aspects I want to work on.

Getting that question sorted is important.

 "I really wanted to get my future sorted"

What does that mean to you?

Blue sky thinking - if you could wave a wand or be granted a wish, what does Mercury's SORTED future look like?  

Then maybe lets make a plan to make that happen, if we start to hit problems that prevent it from happening, that's what can be talked about during sessions (not your childhood).

You might find topics of low motivation, fear, shame, hopefully the therapist can help you work through how those things prevent you from reaching a sorted future

There are only two routes, in my opinion:

1. Bury it, then wait for it to come back worse at some unexpected and inconvenient time in the future, then hope you can keep burying it. And put up with the side effects in between.

2. Deal with it, which is hard, makes you feel bad for a while, and takes a lot of courage to open up and tell someone your real, proper, honest thoughts.lt destabilises you but it gets better if you hang in there. You have to trust someone and you have to do homework and be prepared.They only know what you tell them, so have to tell them everything if you want a proper answer. Is it nice, no. But that is why it takes courage as you have to be vulnerable.

Mercury said:

Later got a reply, them saying neuro diversity is their specialism and offering to take me on, though there is a wait involved. 

The doubts from previous attempts convinced me this would also end in an unsatisfactory way and I ended contact there

So they said they are specialists in helping autists and you dropped them?

This would preclude anyone from being able to offer therapy for you surely? I'm not having a go but pointing out you are not allowing them to have any criteria for success for you.

Mercury said:

I've long had enough of talking about the past and getting pity, the past cannot be undone.

With a good therapist there is a good amount of value in examining past traumas and learning from them, accepting them and being able to move on to live a life free from the shackles they have around us.

Yes it hurts to do, but the only way out of the cycle of trauma is through dealing with it. Without this you will have tremendous problems in getting your future sorted as the shackles (avoidant behaviour, fear response, anxiety etc) will only continue to hold you back.

This is how I understand therapy to work and how it helped me anyway.

Mercury said:

I felt I had no right to put my problems on anyone else

That is literally their job. To listen to you, help you "unpack" the historic problems and free yourself to move on.

Maybe you could tell them your concerns and ask for some more information about what support they provide before totally writing it off?