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friendship

Volvox

My autistic friend has been to stay with me for three days and I'm completely drained (she had a lovely time). I'm at the point of saying she can't come again but she would be so puzzled and hurt. One of the many problems is that she keeps wandering off without telling me, which means I must keep constant tabs on her. If I lose sight of her she can't find her way around or to a tube station (I'm in London) and can't describe her surroundings to me on her mobile, or find me, but if I give her directions or whatever she accuses me of babying her – which I am, of course. Ideally I'd put her on a rein!!! It is incredibly stressful for me (she is oblivious) and I end up in tears. I really really don't know what to do.

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  • Volvox said:
    she keeps wandering off without telling me

    Any pattern to what input your friend seems to seek and enjoy during the wandering off excursions?  (Sensory seeking, perhaps?).

    I ask because I used to have an adult relative inclined to disappear on fascinating solo adventures when we were out together somewhere. 

    Once I had realised they were often drawn towards somewhere playing music or some sound effect; on arrival at a new venue, we used to set one of those places as the agreed "see you back here" place (just in case).  E.g. in a shopping centre; it might be outside a clothes shop usually playing chart topping music you can hear from outside / in a city centre; it might be under a clock tower which chimes the quarters.

    The scenario which I unfortunately did not manage to solve: was when the wanderlust attraction was a random cat or dog having been sighted.

    It can also be a good idea to enjoy taking a selfie together (on arrival somewhere out) to mark the occasion and be able to show friends and family another day - the things enjoyed together on your friend's visit (...plus, to help you be sure of their attire and hair style that day - in case you need help from shop security personnel to locate your friend later).  Top tip: immediately share the image to your friend's mobile too (...in case they ask for help to find you!).

  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25

    I had to laugh – one of my friend's goals is alcohol – and when she achieves a glass of wine her behaviour gets even worse! I, on the other hand, have to stay sober. If only I was the level-headed type, but unfortunately I am chronically anxious. I need to let her wander and stop worrying.

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