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Graduation overshadowed by bad experiences at uni with ASD

NAS93341

Hi just a random post because the community here is really helpful and I just can't stop myself from ruminating on all of this. I graduated a couple weeks ago and it was so underwhelming. I had no accommodations for my ASD so the whole day I was tired, anxious and stressed. The day was nothing like what I had imagined so I was just disappointed and I've been quite depressed since then. 

More importantly, since then I have constantly been seeing images of my peers posing in group photos with all their friends on their course etc. I just feel hyperaware of the fact that despite trying to socialise (joining sports, going out etc) I was unable to really make meaningful connections at uni, or at least not to the same extent as everyone else. I was bullied a bit and excluded at uni, and didn't have any disability support. I feel like a bit of a 'social failure' as I never managed to have the 'proper' uni experience. My graduation made me feel isolated rather than able to celebrate anything I'd done - I was so sad I even cried a couple times on the day lol. The whole situation is affecting me a lot more than it should and I just don't know how to go forward. 

Thank you :) 

  • NAS93341 said:
    The day was nothing like what I had imagined so I was just disappointed and I've been quite depressed since then

    I imagine this would be something really good to work through with a therapist as the way you describe it, you imagined the day to be one thing and reality was quite dissapointing.

    This is quite possibly actually useful when you have processed it as it will give you an understanding of managing expectations of events, of social situations and how they will feel for you in future.

    Certainly in the workplace being underwhelmed has been a routine experience for me and led to me becoming quite cynical, but that then gave me a social "in" with colleagues as I would articulate how underwhelmed I was to them in private and became a comedial of sorts.

    NAS93341 said:
    I just feel hyperaware of the fact that despite trying to socialise (joining sports, going out etc) I was unable to really make meaningful connections

    This is a story I hear time and again on here in various different contexts. If you do get therapy it will be informative to talk about why you feel driven to be social and what you actually want from it. For me it was an acceptance I was looking for which I didn't really need. What I needed was self confidence and I worked on developing this to much better effect.

    In essence, work with a psychotherapist who is skilled with helping autists and I think you will find all these things will be significantly improved for you.

  • Hey. 

    I can personally relate to everything you have just said...except I haven't graduated yet. 

    I was also trying to socialise and do everything. Joined a sports society and a dance society. Despite extreme anxiety, made myself talk to others. That resulted in my mental health being torn to pieces. When the whole society turned on me because someone decided to get rid of me, and the university then made it worse, I had to go to the OIA to resolve the situation. When the OIA finally ruled against the university, I finally got closure. 

    I can't think about my graduation without shuddering, too. All that noise, the thought of being called out, it's awful. I do, however, have severe ADHD as well, so maybe that's why I'm not affected as much? 

    I didn't make many meaningful connections, either. My closest friend I met outside. She's truly amazing and wonderful and incredibly tolerant and helpful...but not on my course. In my time here, girls either hated me or lusted after me (which was almost as terrifying). I was friends with someone who then exploded and ruined many of my friendships. 

    Think of the graduation as a celebration of your academic acheivement. That's what its there for. I never went to university to socialise. I didn't even go there for my ultimate dream to come true (being in a relationship). I came to study. And studying is something we autistics are good at. 

    You're not a social failure if the university failed you like that. You're yourself, amazing and a graduate :)