Thoughts on seeking partnerships

This is a well trodden topic, but I thought I might share some of my thoughts on it.  For many years now, the concept of partnership has occupied my mind constantly.  Now instead of just asking "how?" I ask "why?". 

My answer is to gain access to wider social circles and opportunities, gain emotional and moral support, personal enrichment and most of all a greater chance of survival.

Another important question is "what do I have to offer in exchange for this person's trust and attention, how can I make this work?".  At present I feel it would be unfair for the other person as I feel incomplete and incompetent, unless they too were a novice and we could learn together.

Expanding on "why?", my reasons are to remedy isolation, improve empathy and life skills by caring and living for another and understanding what real "love" feels like, increasing my and their's chances of survival and quality of life.

Also, if my would be partner was either neurotypical or divergent, it might influence the trajectory and ultimate destination of the relationship, depending on their ambitions, goals and interests.

Parents
  • At present I feel it would be unfair for the other person as I feel incomplete and incompetent, unless they too were a novice and we could learn together.

    Well the fun part about that is that everyone is in some way incomplete and incompetent. There is no way you would ever find someone that isn’t.

    Also it’s interesting you mention the potential differences between having a ND and a NT partner. I have a NT wife, and it’s pretty interesting how our relationship has evolved, especially since I was diagnosed. One thing we have noticed is that because of me and my daughter being ND my wife has started living “more Autistically.”. For example she’s more likely to avoid crowds now and her diet has become a little less diverse. On the other hand, I’ve had to be a little more adventurous to keep up with her lol.

    All in all, everyone is incomplete and when you enter into a partnership you fill each other up a little bit.

Reply
  • At present I feel it would be unfair for the other person as I feel incomplete and incompetent, unless they too were a novice and we could learn together.

    Well the fun part about that is that everyone is in some way incomplete and incompetent. There is no way you would ever find someone that isn’t.

    Also it’s interesting you mention the potential differences between having a ND and a NT partner. I have a NT wife, and it’s pretty interesting how our relationship has evolved, especially since I was diagnosed. One thing we have noticed is that because of me and my daughter being ND my wife has started living “more Autistically.”. For example she’s more likely to avoid crowds now and her diet has become a little less diverse. On the other hand, I’ve had to be a little more adventurous to keep up with her lol.

    All in all, everyone is incomplete and when you enter into a partnership you fill each other up a little bit.

Children