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Ageing and autistic traits

Autismman

Has anyone found that as they’ve gotten older some or most of their traits become more apparent. I’ve spent a little time using Dr Google and there’s plenty saying this increase of traits isn’t due to ageing but due to increased pressures in life which would make sense. My mask started to crumble and fall apart when my mum passed away, I shutdown internally and swallowed the emotions till my nan passed away and I think was the straw that broke the autistics back, life was now completely out of my control and so were my emotions. Life experiences build up over time and create a clearer picture of one’s own identity, wants and needs and also opinions on existence. I’ve always pictured myself as a bottle that was once full but is slowly leaking with every hit life swings as it, each hit slowly draining my internal reserves and causing irreversible damage to the bottle itself. I find myself wanting to spend less and less time around others that I don’t need to, I get a lot more drained from unwanted company than I ever used to. I’m 37 and feel 97 grandad slippers already equipped, just missing the pipe and a Charles Dickens book. 

  • I have found that as I got older I felt more happy in my own skin. This is partly because you get to know what you are and what you are capable of, and indeed incapable of, and partly because as you mature you are less and less interested in, or concerned about, what others think of you.

  • in reply to Roy

    I totally agree with what you posted, Roy, I mask to avoid being punnished.

  • in reply to KinksFan

    Good for you, I wish you all the best with that. We should all be ourselves, never mind what anyone else thinks, life’s too short!

  • At the age of 41 I decided that I was going to take off the mask that I wore for 30 years and start being myself as I really am.

  • in reply to Roy

    At least you are doing what’s right for you, that’s the main thing. There’s only so much you can do for others without starting to fall apart yourself. Putting number one at number one and keeping it there is crucial. 

  • in reply to Autismman

    I had got to the point of checking out, once we realised why I had been struggling so much, we knew life had to change. We sold the family home and have downsized, projects help with focus and keeps the chatter down inside my head.

  • in reply to Roy

    Sounds like you are very task focused, you like to get things done on time and in a particular fashion that you see as ideal then you can tick it off and go onto the next project. I don’t feel like I mask as much anymore, I think sometimes something major can happen in your life and it can reshape you, you are almost reborn really as a new you. 

  • It was mentioned at my assessment that I have built my ideal world around me, I work totally alone all day, every day.  I need the isolation but don’t feel lonely, being interrupted is really annoying and uses up energy at an alarming rate. I get asked occasionally by customers if they can help with a project, I just cringe, I would end up redoing the work as their work wouldn’t be done to my standard, they wouldn’t have my attention to detail.

    I’m currently moving to a more  remote location with no neighbours, I get accused of becoming a hermit, I see it as jumping off the hamster wheel, I was stuck in burnout and achieving nothing. The day I realised I’m autistic was the catalyst that changed my life forever. Obviously I haven’t become more autistic, I have become more authentic, my traits aren’t hidden so much. I’ve got loads of plans for the future, these are mostly solo projects that I know I will enjoy. I do have a wife so have someone to talk to, we both also enjoy our own space.

    I saw this recently, it made a lot of sense. I won’t let past trauma define me anymore. Masking burns too much energy and wastes what is left in the bottle.

  • in reply to Iain
    Iain said:
    I get to choose how I live, how much I interact with others, what hobbies I want to persue and all without needing to be a wage slave.

    Sounds like heaven to me. I honestly can’t commit to anything job wise with my mentality towards being a cog in the economic system, live to work, work to live. 

  • Autismman said:
    Has anyone found that as they’ve gotten older some or most of their traits become more apparent.

    My observation has been that we accumulate traumas as we move through life so by the time we hit our 40s and 50s we are struggling under the weight of accumulated pain.

    I found getting a really good therapist who knows a lot about autism was a great way to unburdon myself on previous traumas and it gave me the opportunity to reflect and decide to get out the rat race and retire in my mid 50s. I've been loving it ever since.

    I get to choose how I live, how much I interact with others, what hobbies I want to persue and all without needing to be a wage slave.

  • I think as you age you do get clearer in what you want and need to live well. I do find myself wanting to be around people less and less and find I have little in common with others. People think I'm stuck in a rut, but I'm not, I'm happily ploughing my own furrow.