Autistic adults

Picking a random desk is hard. Then when you pick one you have to move at least once or twice.

I have the same issue with picking a parking space in a car park. When I was really stressed one time I could not pick one at all. I just sat there unable to choose.

It's arbitrary and there is no way to choose.

Wow I wish I could have that glass half full attitude! I never used to be as bad in public as long as I had my music playing in my ears but now my anxiety is just so high I can’t help but go into panic mode internally. I look calm outside but inside I’m freaking out like crazy, the same goes for when I’m feeling so angry and upset etc I can look normal outside. Guess this could be masking 

I often walk into things as I misjudge space and I trip over things. When I used to drive I did find it hard to judge there too. The tripping thing is interesting though as my Mum used to trip over things and was not autistic, but I think my Dad was.

One of the things I found interesting when I first came on here was that my difficulty with walking into a room and deciding where to sit, especially with hot desking was shared with others. I thought it was an issue just for me. When I first worked in an office it wasn't a problem as I had a set desk and although I didn't choose where I sat my allocated desk was in a corner.

looking at the list on the site Iain gave, I have a lot of problems with things like balance and knowing where I am in the physical space around me. For instance I can't ride a bike, I can't balance, I get vertigo quite a bit too, I can't stand on a chair to change a light bulb easily, I'm alright if I' next to a wall, but not in the middle of the room.

I'm pretty clumsy too, I'm always covered in bruises where I crash into walls and stuff, and yet when I'm driving I know exactly how much space my car takes up. 

I have serious problems with maths, but I can look at an object and tell whether or not it will fit in a space, I can guestimate really well too.

These sorts of things seem to be autistic indicators but they never seem to get mentioned when you're an adult. 

TheCatWoman said:

I've had depression and anxiety through my life too, I have cPTSD I do wonder how much of my previous depression was about autism

I'm finding it very hard to untangle all these things, too. Honestly, I don't know where one starts and the other ends.

Social anxiety disorder (SAD)? Yes, a bit. Maybe a lot. Or is that cPTSD hypervigilance, or Autistic hyperawareness combined with a need for predictability and personal space?

cPTSD? Probably. I feel I'm constantly looking over my shoulder in case someone is going to abuse me verbally, emotionally, or physically. Is that cPTSD, or Autistic rumination, or a consequence of decades of unconscious masking, or just a good memory of my childhood, my life? Childhood emotional neglect (CEN), maybe ... probably? I don't really know.

I had my first major depression when I was 22. It traumatised me. Deeply. What terrified me was that I didn't know why it happened. I remained so terrified that when I was 30 and felt depression coming on again, I actually asked for help and ended up with an AuDHD diagnosis. Now, a couple of decades on, and coming off the back of another major depression last year, I think the cause was Autistic burnout and a big helping of CEN and/or cPTSD. It's all so hard to unpick, but I think I'm making progress.

So, to get a bit more back to the topic at hand, when I see a list of Autistic traits, I go yes, yes, that's me, yes, me too, etc. Then I see many of the same traits listed for SAD or CEN or cPTSD and then think, "Wait! Is it Autism, or is it just a bunch of these other things?"

Thanks for posting that, it's a very good list.

I'm not a fan of using AI for things like this, for one thing I dont' know enough about it and for another whenever I do get an Ai generated answer, which is happening more and more, the information isn't that good or isn't what I asked for. It seem to want to shove me in a direction that I don't want to go in or I feel like i'm being patted on the head and told there there dear.

I get really triggered by by some things that others are fine with, like I had a panic attack and melt down whilst watching War Horse. I both over empathised with the horse, it didn't ask to be in a war. I couldn't fathom why this horrific tale was supposed to be a story for children. I was so upset that I was hyperventilating, dry retching and left feeling wobbly for days. 

Puppets and circus stuff freaks me out too, if the war horse puppet had come to my town I would of run screaming.

I've had depression and anxiety through my life too, I have cPTSD I do wonder how much of my previous depression was about autism even though I didn't know I had it at the time and I wonder how it would of changed things had I of known?

I've realised that people used to wind me up on purpose, just to watch me get upset, partners particularly, they can feel all martyred about how good they are living with someone so volatile, it's all a form of cohersive control. I wonder if somehow we attract people who will be bad for us, maybe we don't see the warning signs others do and are more likely after a lifetime of being told we're weird and wrong to believe that we're at fault?

I'm a huge fan of Reframing Autism, too. It just oozes positivity.

I'm pondering that one myself. I was diagnosed three months ago at 32. I've had anxiety for much of my life and have had bouts of depression but I'm trying to understand how much of that is my autism and it changes how I will deal with things.

This from Reframing Autism is the best information I have come across as it's quite specific, I made a list. Some of it applies to me, some not so much but as it's a spectrum not all symptoms will apply.

Aww don’t feel embarrassed, I completely understand. They shouldn’t have done that to you but it’s easily understandable to fall for what they say, kind of like brainwashing. I do hate learning the hard way though haha 

Ah! That’s exciting that the Switch 2 is on its way! Congrats!

And yeah, I’ve been duped and taken advantage of as well. I’ve even had someone convince me that they have the superpower of seeing people’s emotions like colors. Yeah, I’m a dummy. But I have grown to take those embarrassing moments when people have taken advantage of me and figure out how to learn from those mistakes. I’m much better at gauging people’s vibes and not taking them at their word nowadays. Sometimes it just takes a little learning the hard way for us on the spectrum.

Now I’m super embarrassed about sharing that story lol

That is very true, SpongeBob wouldn’t be the SpongeBob we know and love! And I’ve also heard about how autism can make you feel lonely for the small things. It’s awful when you don’t feel you can love them believe me. It’s bad enough when someone tells you once, let alone multiple times and then get bullied for what you love. That’s my personal experience anyway and I’m still struggling to ignore those nasty voices/thoughts 

Elfilis said:

My problem is that it is just like impossible to calm down.

Yep. Me too. I think that sort of defines Autism right there. If you could calm down at will, you probably wouldn't be Autistic.

My current goals are to train myself to better recognise what my stressors are and when I'm starting to go off the rails, educate my family to understand what is happening and why, seek support when that happens (e.g., step away from a situation and have someone take over), know when I need to run and hide away for minutes or hours to ease myself back from the brink (e.g., reading a book in a room by myself helps), organise or seek more accommodations in general (e.g., wearing N/C headphones in a supermarket seem to see me arrive at the checkout far more relaxed and able to deal with "space invaders" more calmly), and stuff like that.

For all those negative emotions, though, I also experience positive emotions more intensely, so it's a kind of glass-half-full thing (I keep telling myself).

I think one safety tip I've developed is not to contradict an answer you get. The AI will always end up agreeing with whatever garbage you start feeding it if you suggest that it has made a mistake.

Where did I read it recently? Something like: Autism gives us a brain that compels us to feel passionate about little things. How sad it would be not to feel that way.

Also, how boring would SpongeBob be if his autism were "cured". I like having a little bit of SpongeBob living in my brain.

Ahh that’s very true. Thank you for helping me see from a different perspective. Think my switch 2 has finally been dispatched! I think my issue is because I’ve just been very unlucky and I’ve had people take advantage of me (though I wasn’t diagnosed at the time) and my issue of harassment in the workplace has really shattered me. I always seem to be bullied by those in power  I’ve also felt guilty with playing Nintendo and doing what I love due to bullying and how I can’t seem to let go! I mean I got bullied for playing smash when it was new at the time so now it just sits there. I mean ok I have other games but still. And I’m feeling guilty with all my games and even what I watch, look like etc sorry   I’ve been having a really rough few weeks especially since my diagnosis. Thank you for being so welcoming by the way and the same goes to everyone else 

Damojo said:

The main thing is that it is not pre-generated AI stuff, it is a chat that responds to exactly what you ask of it

You make a good suggestion, but I'm still finding the output from AI to be variable at best and if you want accuracy then it is best avoided altogether.

There are plenty of examples of AI going off the rails recently so trusting it with anything health related would be something to avoid.

I think the professionals mostly stick to their diagnostic manuals. Your diagnosis is based on matching your traits to the few broad categories defined there. I suppose a good professional's knack is doing that matching effectively.

I was trying to figure out my own traits, so my starting point was interactive AI chat. I went to https://duck.ai (my go-to AI chat resource, as it's free and private), selected the "GPT-4o mini" AI, and typed "List 100 autism traits." That worked well to give me plenty of things to mull over.

The nice thing about AI chat is that you can ask it for more details on any of the traits, get it to give you examples, etc. all without having to wade through a lot of ads and excess verbiage. For example, follow up the first instruction with "Tell me more about difficulty with small talk," or "List some co-occurring conditions," or "How are hyper-mobility and autism connected?" If it starts getting a bit too verbose, you can type, "Give me more concise answers," or something like that.

The main thing is that it is not pre-generated AI stuff, it is a chat that responds to exactly what you ask of it and it keeps track of what you have already asked, so it knows the context. Give it a go.

Don’t apologize, it sounds like you need an outlet.

Elfilis said:

I just wish there was a cure/treatment for autism.

That’s very sad to hear, as Autism is a core part of who were are. One example I can think of, though theoretical of course, is that if you were cured of your Autism, you might not find Nintendo very interesting any more. Yes, there are struggles that come along with it, but there are good parts about being Autistic.

I’m only in my 20s but I personally think sometimes autism doesn't seem to be as obvious in some children compared to others. When I was little everyone suspected I was on the spectrum but not very high but I didn’t show anywhere near as many symptoms when I was little compared to when I was in my teens. My concerns with having the diagnosis regardless of age is that although you can get the help you need, you are also more vulnerable to bullying. My personal triggers seem to be stimuli related, so I can get irritated so much over certain sounds, textures, sights or I can even be triggered by my own mind. My problem is that it is just like impossible to calm down.

Ok I didn’t have the diagnosis at the time but I was quieter and more different so schools were hell and my latest job I had to pull out of was due to being harassed and I personally feel this is because I was different and needed help and people took advantage. I just wish there was a cure/treatment for autism. Being diagnosed wasn’t a surprise for me but I’ve come to feel like I can’t do anything to get better now. I am seeing a dr next week to see if I can get another assessment somewhere but can’t see that happening.

Sorry is this went a bit off topic