Autistic imposter syndrome

I’ve posted about this before I’m sure but I am still fighting the feeling of being a fraud daily. I hope one day I just accept it and move on but at the moment I’m trying to get as much information on imposter syndrome as possible. I found a YouTuber who did a video on the subject and one of the lines in the script were as follows; 

“I think that you have ignored your needs and limitations for so long that to listen to them now you need to amplify them which feels like exaggeration and now you are acknowledging the things that overstimulate you in the day it’s not building up in your system where you take it out on the people you care about” - GenericArtDad

After a diagnosis I suppose it’s only natural to look more inward than you did before, especially if you are not sure you can fully accept it or move on swiftly after or have any doubts. The spectrum is almost like looking up at the stars and trying to find one no one’s ever seen before then claiming it for your own. To find your own place on the spectrum can be tricky, well for me it is because as I may have mentioned in previous posts I do not have every single typical autistic behaviour.

Parents
  • I've been not diagnosed,  but as long as I was busy and obsessed by this topic, I felt strong doubts that I could possible be autistic.  Now im back in my aliens and black holes and I can say, i don't care anymore if I'm autistic or not. I'm in my world that gives me joy and I think I will not even look into getting diagnosed,  because I just got accepted to a local support group which programme looks good for me and I will see how it goes. I had a conversation with one psychiatrist and told her about my life, problems,  trauma and what I need. This group is not specific for autistic people,  there are people with various conditions and traumas. I will see how it goes. If not necessary,  I will avoid going through the long and complicated diagnostic  process. 

    Ps. The quoted words are really deep and resonate with me a lot.

  • Thanks for the reply, I think it was important for me to get diagnosed although now haunted by imposter syndrome. I feel I should also trust the judgement of the consultant psychiatrist, I mean who am I to say she was wrong? But yeah it’s really a personal choice as to whether you feel you need one or not. Aliens and black holes are pretty interesting also.

Reply
  • Thanks for the reply, I think it was important for me to get diagnosed although now haunted by imposter syndrome. I feel I should also trust the judgement of the consultant psychiatrist, I mean who am I to say she was wrong? But yeah it’s really a personal choice as to whether you feel you need one or not. Aliens and black holes are pretty interesting also.

Children
  • The beginning of the universe is a very interesting topic for sure, why did it happen, how did it happen, what came before it because something can’t be made out of nothing. Black holes, space’s very own Dyson, these are a very strange phenomenon indeed. 

  • Sure, this choice is personal for everyone. This journey of discovery is very important to me, because I found this site and I found here some pen palls which I really enjoy chatting to and exchanging experience and infodumping. So whether I ever get dx or not, I feel that here is my place and want to stay. 

    Now I listened to a couple videos with Neal De Grasse Tyson and he says, we might be in a black hole. It's only a theory, but for me interesting one. I also red, that scientists wonder, how is it possible that in early universe some of the galaxies were already well developed and structured, they shouldn't be there. Also 2/3 of the galaxies spin clockwise and 1/3 - counter clockwise. I got some maybe stupid idea, that if our universeis in a black hole, than maybe these phenomena apear, because our universe might be a merger of two black holes, where one could be older, other one - younger. And this could create the big Bang that we know. I don't know, if a content of a black hole would get spaghettified again during a merger or not. Having stars and  black holes in my head is a real joy. Sorry for infodumping