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Feeling stuck

faespirit

I feel like I’m not ever going to get anywhere in life. As much as I try to change my life around such as getting a job or getting a puppy, I can’t cope anymore and end up severely depressed. I think I will just feel stuck in place forever, with nothing ever changing and always being dependant on my parents and partner. I want to be able to do things on my own but I can’t, I just get so overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and depressed from the smallest things. I feel like a complete failure and a burden. I’m just wasting my life away indoors struggling to get out of bed and do the simplest tasks. My head won’t stop racing all the time and it makes me constantly stressed feeling like my head will explode.

  • This is a very relatable feeling, I feel like I’ve thought and said almost those exact words. Once piece of advice I heard recently from a video, is to not try and ‘change your life’ but just conduct experiments in your life and see the outcome, not having to commit yourself to something ‘forever.’

    For example, you want to start running, rather than saying i’m going to start running 4 days a week for the rest of my life and when I don’t reach that commitment I’m a failure.

    It’s about saying, I’m going to experiment with running, to see if this is something I would like to implement into my life. I will run one day a week for 3 weeks and see how I feel. I will see if I want to run more, if I dread the day I have to run, if I put it off or if I look forward to it. 

    By treating the thing we want to do in life as experiments, it brings a lightness to the activities. It might just turn out that you don’t like running and it’s just not the right form of exercise for you. Then you can experiment with other things.

    This notion helped me a lot. I know this is only a small portion of the problems you’re facing but by tackling things one at a time, I’m sure it will give you some relief.

    Something I realised is that everything is about mindset, a job or a puppy or any external thing is never going to change anything, the change begins inside your own mind. Breaking through the belief that you’re a failure. In some indigenous cultures you don’t gain worth through having material possessions or having exceptional talents you are worthy simply by existing, I believe that is the truth. You’re perfect simply because you were born, you don’t need to do anything else except exist as best you can. 

  • To a certain extent, dependency on your family is healthy. Everyone needs support and for us Autistics that might mean we need a little more support than others. Ex. I don’t need support when I make my normal commute everyday, but boy do I need some hand holding if I go anywhere I’m unfamiliar with. I can cook extremely basic things, but anything with more than a few steps I have to rely on my wife to cook. That’s okay. There’s also some things that my parents and wife rely on me for support. Again, some support can be a healthy thing in a relationship.

  • Hi there, I’m so sorry you are feeling so stuck at the moment. I feel exactly the same as you and have felt that way for such a long time. Maybe you need to just do something that you enjoy and try and focus on the things you like and try and distract yourself. Do you have any hobbies or interests that you can enjoy for a bit? I’m sure you are not a complete failure and burden in anyway so please don’t think that. I know how it feels though. Don’t put pressure on yourself, something it’s best to just ride these horrible feelings out, I know it’s such a pain. Hence try and do something to relax you and distract you. Take care Slight smile