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I feel nothing

aurelis

I’ve recently come back from holiday, and I’m back home. I feel nothing. It’s interesting because I’ve slowed down a lot and tried not to run as fast as I did in the past in trying to keep up with everything else. But now I feel nothing, I have nothing to share and open with anyone, nothing that I want to anyway, and feel as if I’m existing as a vessel. I have loving people around me and still feel nothing. It’s the thing that I’ve always been afraid of and now I’m face to face with it and I can’t run away anymore. It hurts, that I feel no purpose towards anything, and I really don’t know if I did. I feel as if all my friendships consisted of me listening to the other person rather than being able to share my thoughts, and now my thoughts are really jumbled.

The holiday made me slow down and soak things up more, and I’m trying to seek time of slowing down and doing nothing. But I’m scared that by doing that, the thing I’ve been chasing most of my life (wanting to feel connected and feel meaning to life) will completely disappear and I’ll lose myself entirely. I really want to genuinely feel, but I can’t genuinely generate that feel.

Parents

  • Since I know a little about your skills and interests, it sounds like you might be hitting a bit of a writer’s block. That can definitely happen and hit hard, especially after a big project. If I’m right, then this might be a great time for reevaluation. Try to relearn what you’re passionate about and what it is you want to do. Or maybe try to analyze things you used to be passionate about and figure out what made you so interested in them?

    Writer’s block is horrible and it can really make you feel useless, like there’s nothing you can contribute. However, the best part about them is that they sometimes they mark the beginning of a huge change.

Reply

  • Since I know a little about your skills and interests, it sounds like you might be hitting a bit of a writer’s block. That can definitely happen and hit hard, especially after a big project. If I’m right, then this might be a great time for reevaluation. Try to relearn what you’re passionate about and what it is you want to do. Or maybe try to analyze things you used to be passionate about and figure out what made you so interested in them?

    Writer’s block is horrible and it can really make you feel useless, like there’s nothing you can contribute. However, the best part about them is that they sometimes they mark the beginning of a huge change.

Children
  • in reply to profdanger

    I hear that, the thing is when I was younger, I thought everything I enjoyed I needed to turn it into something that could be shared or “monetized”, or it had to lead to some big thing. So doing that for a long time has made me jaded about a lot of my passions. especially the thought of “x thing by a certain age”

    The good thing is that genuinely have time to relearn, and to slow down, and although I feel bad for doing that (seeing my friends, neurotypical or not, going through life and having to deal with life whilst I’m not growing so quick), it is a nice space to try and find that spark back.

    i like the sentiment of a beginning of a huge change. I hope so, although im definitely going down an unknown path that is so unfamiliar!