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Delayed

Alien0n3arth

I have somehow delayed understanding, processing, everything delayed. As a result I very often do everything that others tell me. I do it automatically and only then it comes: no! I shouldn't habe done it! Why did I do it? Without question. It's better than in my childhood - as a kid I used to do absolutely everything that my peers told me to and they also laughed at me for this reason. Which I understood with delay. Like always. I remember my father once intervened and told me to not be so obedient to other kids. Now it's a bit better - I started understanding it by myself. But with delay. Is it typical problem here? Has anyone else this problem? How to deal? I'm being bullied at work and it's so hard I have to be prepared all tge time to deal with things that tge bully tells me to do. And I have to remind myself: don't do it! Don't do it! 

Parents
  • Alien0n3arth said:
    Is it typical problem here? Has anyone else this problem? How to deal?

    This for me stemmed from my lack of understanding of social rules and in trusting other people too much - it got me into problems but I learned quickly that others are not to be trusted on face value as I think you have found.

    There are degrees of where questioning them is appropriate, for example a sibling, friend or work colleague who has been troublesome before should be viewed with suspicion and only once you have processed it should you act.

    For a person you report to, eg parent, manager, police officer etc then you should generally do what they say but be willing to ask for clarification if you are not sure. They are supposed to be authority figures and in general should only ask when it is appropriate.

    I would advise taking time each day to review your interactions and think on whether the response seemed appropriate and take stock from the lessons this teaches you. Over time you can build confidence and be more willing to make fast decisions based on experience.

    It can take many years but it helps to start now.

    This was my experience and approach and it took me about 7 years to get to a "normal" level of functioning and a few years later I was able to progress to be a manager with 26 staff which was a whole new ball game of fast decision making.

Reply
  • Alien0n3arth said:
    Is it typical problem here? Has anyone else this problem? How to deal?

    This for me stemmed from my lack of understanding of social rules and in trusting other people too much - it got me into problems but I learned quickly that others are not to be trusted on face value as I think you have found.

    There are degrees of where questioning them is appropriate, for example a sibling, friend or work colleague who has been troublesome before should be viewed with suspicion and only once you have processed it should you act.

    For a person you report to, eg parent, manager, police officer etc then you should generally do what they say but be willing to ask for clarification if you are not sure. They are supposed to be authority figures and in general should only ask when it is appropriate.

    I would advise taking time each day to review your interactions and think on whether the response seemed appropriate and take stock from the lessons this teaches you. Over time you can build confidence and be more willing to make fast decisions based on experience.

    It can take many years but it helps to start now.

    This was my experience and approach and it took me about 7 years to get to a "normal" level of functioning and a few years later I was able to progress to be a manager with 26 staff which was a whole new ball game of fast decision making.

Children
  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you. I think you are right, it stems from not understanding the rules… to me everyone is higher than me and I do automatically what others say. I’m officially a managers assistant, so it should be me managing there. I think I shouldn’t be there at this position. I’m inferior to others. 
    but there is one more problem. The delayed processing. It takes me more time to process it and understand that I shouldn’t do it