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In Denial

LemoniL

Hi, I am an aunty of a young man with high functioning autism who is to some degree in denial about his diagnosis. He says he wants to pretend he does not have it and says it does not effect him. Although his traits may not be initially obvious to an outsider, over time you can see definite patterns/behaviour. He has a very negative view of autism and sees it as a bad thing and does not want anyone to know he has it. I have had open discussions with him about this to try challenge his line of though but he remains steadfast in his thinking. He has just started work and seems very flat in mood and I think he is struggling and feeling overwhelmed but is reluctant to accept suggestions/help. I wondered if anyone has been through something similar or can offer any insight of how to help him.

Parents

  • Hi all, thanks for your insights and suggestions.  He was diagnosed at around 4-5 years old and is never happy to talk about it but when he does you just see how much negativity he has towards himself.  He does open up to me at times and we do talk about coping strategies about some of his thoughts/behaviours.  I think removing the autism from the conversation might help (I don't relate it to all conversations, just when it is relevant).  However, I will try the problem and solution style.  I have been on some courses but I do need to do some more research maybe.  He just seems so resistant to any kind of help.  Even when looking and applying for other jobs, the family are trying to offer help but he is avoiding engaging and does not seem to take onboard what we are saying.  Its just a very frustrating time.

Reply

  • Hi all, thanks for your insights and suggestions.  He was diagnosed at around 4-5 years old and is never happy to talk about it but when he does you just see how much negativity he has towards himself.  He does open up to me at times and we do talk about coping strategies about some of his thoughts/behaviours.  I think removing the autism from the conversation might help (I don't relate it to all conversations, just when it is relevant).  However, I will try the problem and solution style.  I have been on some courses but I do need to do some more research maybe.  He just seems so resistant to any kind of help.  Even when looking and applying for other jobs, the family are trying to offer help but he is avoiding engaging and does not seem to take onboard what we are saying.  Its just a very frustrating time.

Children
  • in reply to LemoniL

    He will of course have been influenced by people at school, the internet, tiktok, media, etc. rightly or wrongly.

    Autism is also called a disorder (ASD), and it is considered a disability. So the terminology is not necessarily helpful in promoting a positive or neutral view. While things are getting better, among the uninformed, of which I was one 6 months ago, there is either a negative or confused view.

    When it was suggested to me 30 years ago, I was very negative. I did not want to have a label, be different to other people, be excluded from certain jobs, etc. It was a different time and I was brought up with old fashioned and strict views.

    I was trying desperately hard to be normal, fit in, have a career, have a relationship and support my partner. I had to be strong to help her.

    To be told it was not enough and I was still different was not what I wanted to hear.

    I was very stubborn and based everything on my own views, I did not trust other people.

    I am not sure how you get through to someone like me. I suppose if I'd been diagnosed I would have had to accept it. 

    I think people have to want to find out for themselves. All you can do is provide info and hope snippets sink in and an interest grows.