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In Denial

LemoniL

Hi, I am an aunty of a young man with high functioning autism who is to some degree in denial about his diagnosis. He says he wants to pretend he does not have it and says it does not effect him. Although his traits may not be initially obvious to an outsider, over time you can see definite patterns/behaviour. He has a very negative view of autism and sees it as a bad thing and does not want anyone to know he has it. I have had open discussions with him about this to try challenge his line of though but he remains steadfast in his thinking. He has just started work and seems very flat in mood and I think he is struggling and feeling overwhelmed but is reluctant to accept suggestions/help. I wondered if anyone has been through something similar or can offer any insight of how to help him.

Parents

  • It took me 22 years to accept my Autism diagnosis. With no explanation, information or support, I just wrote it off as the stereotypical prejudice against people in IT. I had suspected I was ADHD and that was confirmed, so that is all I took from the diagnosis and I disregarded the rest.

    I ended up with burnout last year (not my first rodeo) and finally got around to trying to answer "why?". It was a question I was never able to answer before. However, Autism information is now much easier to access in many different forms (podcasts, books, blogs, websites, etc.). I stuck to only first-hand accounts by Autistic people. I went all-in on my Autism education and was astonished as I heard from people exactly like me. I *am* Autistic after all! That explains a lot.

    For me, it was education that made the difference in my acceptance. Autism is not the inherently "bad thing" that I had assumed in my ignorance. I'm not broken, I'm just a bit different and I'm getting more comfortable with that. I'm now better able to identify my stressors/triggers and take steps to reduce their impact or understand their aftermath.

    Have I told everyone? No. Only my wife. I am only starting to feel like I would be comfortable sharing this information with others as and when I think that sharing might serve a purpose, such as accommodating a support need. Even then, I would probably say something like, "Would you mind swapping seats? I feel very uncomfortable when there is a lot of noise and movement going on behind me." rather than, "Can I have your seat because I'm Autistic?" Anyway, time will tell.

    Regarding your nephew. If his diagnosis is recent, it may take him time to accept it—maybe a long time. It's great that you have had open discussions with him, so use that connection to offer your support. Maybe he is concerned that you are trying to "out" him, so let him know that that is entirely his decision to make, you just want to be there for him if he needs you because you care about him. Maybe don't use the A-word and just ask him if he's feeling stressed and talk about what might be causing that and if it might be worth seeing his GP if his stress is becoming hard to manage.

    Perhaps educate yourself in even more depth about Autism and the Autistic experience and share that casually with him over time (or go for the full infodump). He may become interested in finding out more himself. You could do worse than to start here: reframingautism.org.au/.../

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  • It took me 22 years to accept my Autism diagnosis. With no explanation, information or support, I just wrote it off as the stereotypical prejudice against people in IT. I had suspected I was ADHD and that was confirmed, so that is all I took from the diagnosis and I disregarded the rest.

    I ended up with burnout last year (not my first rodeo) and finally got around to trying to answer "why?". It was a question I was never able to answer before. However, Autism information is now much easier to access in many different forms (podcasts, books, blogs, websites, etc.). I stuck to only first-hand accounts by Autistic people. I went all-in on my Autism education and was astonished as I heard from people exactly like me. I *am* Autistic after all! That explains a lot.

    For me, it was education that made the difference in my acceptance. Autism is not the inherently "bad thing" that I had assumed in my ignorance. I'm not broken, I'm just a bit different and I'm getting more comfortable with that. I'm now better able to identify my stressors/triggers and take steps to reduce their impact or understand their aftermath.

    Have I told everyone? No. Only my wife. I am only starting to feel like I would be comfortable sharing this information with others as and when I think that sharing might serve a purpose, such as accommodating a support need. Even then, I would probably say something like, "Would you mind swapping seats? I feel very uncomfortable when there is a lot of noise and movement going on behind me." rather than, "Can I have your seat because I'm Autistic?" Anyway, time will tell.

    Regarding your nephew. If his diagnosis is recent, it may take him time to accept it—maybe a long time. It's great that you have had open discussions with him, so use that connection to offer your support. Maybe he is concerned that you are trying to "out" him, so let him know that that is entirely his decision to make, you just want to be there for him if he needs you because you care about him. Maybe don't use the A-word and just ask him if he's feeling stressed and talk about what might be causing that and if it might be worth seeing his GP if his stress is becoming hard to manage.

    Perhaps educate yourself in even more depth about Autism and the Autistic experience and share that casually with him over time (or go for the full infodump). He may become interested in finding out more himself. You could do worse than to start here: reframingautism.org.au/.../

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