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Unable to think how I want

Elfilis

Long story short I’ve been bullied growing up but now I feel I have got to a point where I am unable to think for myself. For example I’m unable to have an opinion because I’m told what I think isn’t right and genuine. Also suffering with extreme guilt and shame with what I like as I was told I think I like what I like but I actually don't apparently. Now it’s like a voice in my head is nagging me all the time and I just feel so rubbish about myself and it’s leading to burnouts. When it comes to things I like, etc gaming, I keep thinking I’m not meant to enjoy them because if I’m happy then I’m weaker and also if the characters were real they would freak out seeing me and hate me. I’ve deprived myself from things that I thought made me happy and I feel rubbish and weaker. I question myself do I really like what I think I like? Tried various therapies but they don’t seem to be working and worried I’m just gonna get worse as time goes on and feel it’s too late to get better mentally. 
Hope this makes sense

Has anyone been able to relate? If so is there any advice? 

Parents

  • My advice would be to maybe return to this post in a day or a week and reread  it and the replies you have received.   Then see whether what you think is then, and whether how you relate to the answers you have received has changed.    If it has then you have thought for yourself in the meantime.  Thinking happens even when we are not aware of it.  The bit that we are aware of is the tip of the iceberg and sometimes we can get stuck on looking at it the same way.  Best wishes   :-)

  • in reply to Phased

    Thank you for your advice. I will admit I have been struggling over this last month and I have had a very hard weekend. I’m probably going through a bit of a rough patch again but I will consider what you have said. Thank you for replying Slight smile

  • in reply to Elfilis

    I will admit that I have been struggling over the past nearly 60 years and especially so the past month and past week too _ I "pulled an all nighter" as the expression has it this weekend for the first time in a long time.  Things pass - sometimes it is just really hard to let go - including to who we are and what we are when we are holding ourselves back.  Good to see the smile in your response   Be happy -/\-  :-)

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  • in reply to Elfilis

    I will admit that I have been struggling over the past nearly 60 years and especially so the past month and past week too _ I "pulled an all nighter" as the expression has it this weekend for the first time in a long time.  Things pass - sometimes it is just really hard to let go - including to who we are and what we are when we are holding ourselves back.  Good to see the smile in your response   Be happy -/\-  :-)

Children
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