Unable to think how I want

Lots of members of this forum will relate to this - there was a thread recently about bullying, which had many replies from members who had been bullied. So try to take comfort that you're not alone.

Even when people don't bully us, some of them might think our interests are a bit "weird" - for example, before I retired I could not discuss gaming with most of my colleagues as they weren't interested and it was obvious some of them thought it was a bit "inappropriate" for an older woman like me. 

However, since learning that I was on the spectrum around 9 years ago I've learned that non autistic people sometimes have difficulty in accepting what is not "the norm" for them and the groups they are in. But we all have different "norms" - for example, direct eye contact is seen as being trustworthy in our culture, while in others it can be seen as rude or challenging. So I just have different "norms" to most other adults. I personally think football is a bit childish, but I'd never be rude enough to belittle anyone who enjoys it, as that is their thing they enjoy.

There are quite a lot of members on here who enjoy gaming (including me) and being happy doesn't make you weak - if you enjoy something, that should strengthen your mental health. Gaming is actually good for us - it keeps our minds active and has been shown to help prevent Alzheimer's in older people. Why not start a thread about games you enjoy and talk about it on here, so that you can see others like the same things as you. I'm sure that you don't think others who play games are weak, so that means you're not either. And if those game characters were sentient and could talk to you, I'm sure they would thank you for bringing them to life and interacting with them - if there were no gamers, they wouldn't exist! 

Lotus said:

Gaming is actually good for us - it keeps our minds active

I agree that gaming is a good way to keep mentally active but there are a few caveats to consider.

1 - Gameplay that is very agressive can lead succeptable people to act agressively outside of the game. These are individuals who have difficulty in defferentiating between reality and game time.

Also where the gameplay causes an adreniline rush or where a defeat can cause an angry response, this can take some time to dissapate once gameplay stops so will be impactful where you have interactions with others soon after of if you are trying to sleep.

Some moderation on when the gaming stops and being able to transition back to reality is always healthy.

2 - Multiplayer games where you are in audio contact with other players (especially from out in the "wild") can result in insulting and goading behaviour, just because some people are a-holes when playing online and get a kick out of humiliatng others.

If you participate in this sort of gameplay then careful selection of your team mates and agreeing ground rules is a good plan - it very much depends on whether such fooling around gets to you I guess.

3 - controlling how much time you spend is a healthy approach. It is often very tempting to just have one more go at the end of level boss or carry on with a campaign until you complete it. I know I have missed a few nights sleep through this and the knock on effect on you the next day can be grim. 

Set a 2 stage alarm so you know it is soon time to stop and stick with it - that would be my approach now.

Lastly, the point of gaming is to enjoy it. Once you find it is more frustrating than satisfying is time to stop. If a game has the same effect over multiple plays then stop playing it and move on to something more fun. Life is too short to loose chunks to stuff that doesn't make our lives better.

Lotus said:

Gaming is actually good for us - it keeps our minds active

I agree that gaming is a good way to keep mentally active but there are a few caveats to consider.

1 - Gameplay that is very agressive can lead succeptable people to act agressively outside of the game. These are individuals who have difficulty in defferentiating between reality and game time.

Also where the gameplay causes an adreniline rush or where a defeat can cause an angry response, this can take some time to dissapate once gameplay stops so will be impactful where you have interactions with others soon after of if you are trying to sleep.

Some moderation on when the gaming stops and being able to transition back to reality is always healthy.

2 - Multiplayer games where you are in audio contact with other players (especially from out in the "wild") can result in insulting and goading behaviour, just because some people are a-holes when playing online and get a kick out of humiliatng others.

If you participate in this sort of gameplay then careful selection of your team mates and agreeing ground rules is a good plan - it very much depends on whether such fooling around gets to you I guess.

3 - controlling how much time you spend is a healthy approach. It is often very tempting to just have one more go at the end of level boss or carry on with a campaign until you complete it. I know I have missed a few nights sleep through this and the knock on effect on you the next day can be grim. 

Set a 2 stage alarm so you know it is soon time to stop and stick with it - that would be my approach now.

Lastly, the point of gaming is to enjoy it. Once you find it is more frustrating than satisfying is time to stop. If a game has the same effect over multiple plays then stop playing it and move on to something more fun. Life is too short to loose chunks to stuff that doesn't make our lives better.

They are some very good points. When I was young I would play Simpsons hit and run a lot, I mead I’d still have my tea and do my homework and sleep normally etc but I did used to get very stressed with the missions and I was (and still am) scared of the “mission failed” screen and the failure tunes that played, don’t know why lol. But as the game got harder I of course got a lot more stressed and as you say it’s no fun then. I did have like hour limits to play the game but I got so upset if I couldn’t do something on it so my parents banned me from it. I got it back at age 14 but still had the limits due to homework but now I know that if I can’t do something, just take that break. 

I must admit I don’t do audio/video gameplay online with anyone, in fact I hardly play online lol but yeah I have found when playing Mario Kart or something and I’m doing quite well (or very poorly) I get “attacked” on a racetrack which would annoy me and upset me so I gave up with that. I’ll only play with my dad lol and they can get very heated races (in a good and fun way). I tend to find I do more co op games online but say I don’t use the voice chat thing. 

I also do find that personally playing games can help me be more relaxed and help me sleep as my mind is distracted by the games as opposed to the other things upsetting me though I will make the games easier and more chill, or I’d play Animal Crossing or something. I will admit that, for other reasons, I have suffered with insomnia and do take some aids to help me get to sleep though. 

Basically the reason why I was told to not play my games was because this horrible relative who I never got alone with invited herself around to the house and I was playing a new game at the time which was different to what I played.