Unable to think how I want

Elfilis said:

Tried various therapies but they don’t seem to be working and worried I’m just gonna get worse as time goes on and feel it’s too late to get better mentally.

Have you worked with a psychotherapist with experience in helping autists? The issues you mention would seem like their bread and butter to help you with.

Elfilis said:

Also suffering with extreme guilt and shame with what I like as I was told I think I like what I like but I actually don't apparently.

Who is telling you what you should like? Is it a parent figure?

I found it helpful to use a logical approach to understand what it is that I like around a particular subject by getting a big sheet of paper, listing out the aspects I like on a subject and then writing the positives on the left and negatives on the right, highlighting the ones I thought important and then stopping to look at the big picture at the end.

There can be subjects you like that are problematic (typically because they break some social rules) so you have to be very careful not to talk about these unless you want others to judge you. If they are legally problematic then they should be discussed only with your therapist as there is typically a good reason why they are considered bad,

Elfilis said:

When it comes to things I like, etc gaming, I keep thinking I’m not meant to enjoy them because if I’m happy then I’m weaker and also if the characters were real they would freak out seeing me and hate me.

It helps to keep in mind who says it makes you weaker. Are they saying this because they are trying to control you or are you actually exceeding healthy limits and actually making yourself weaker (eg playing to 5am then struggling to work the next day).

I do identify with some of what you say and I found developing the self confidence to say "I don't care that you don't like it" and mean it was the key to feeling free.

This was a bit of a random chat but I hope something there helps.

Hi. I must admit I get all counsellors, physiotherapist, psychologists etc all confusing. I have only been diagnosed recently and haven’t seen any sort of therapist since I must admit so at the time no one was aware I was autistic (though it was suspected) so maybe I can explain things better. I am making some quick notes on my phone so I know what to say when I see some sort of professional. 

As with what I like and don’t like, it was actually an abusing family member who started shaming me for what I like, etc films/tv shows I like, games I like, activities I like, how bad I am at stuff I create etc. when she found out I was being bullied in school my mum told her without my permission and well long story short, my mum started defending her and not me and therefore shaming me, my dad all did the same and so did the rest of the family. So yeah I guess you could say it was parental figures telling me though now they claim to have been in the wrong as a few years ago there was a big family fall out with the bullies and we don’t have anything to do with them. My problem is that because of the repetitiveness of it all I just lost trust, hope, faith in them etc. also had of course bullies from schools and other places including therapists I didn’t get along with said the same. I mean I am away from all the toxic people now but as I said it still haunts me. I will take the advice of the pros and cons but I personally feel what I like is beneficial for me. 

As for the gaming and saying about being weaker, like I said in the last paragraph just real toxic people said all that stuff and I do feel it was to undermine me and my confidence as they possibly have issues, I just don’t understand why people have to bully because I have so many issues and I would never dream of bullying someone who is vulnerable. Yes I would say they are wanting to control me and I hate to admit but I still feel they are controlling me and this is where I can’t seem to take control of myself. I am not exceeding healthy limits at all and I never was but no one believed that at the time. I always alternate my activities and go to bed at a decent time but I do feel these bullies just saw me as their prey and yeah I guess I’m just too weak still. Even if my mum realises now I still have that guilt stuck in my head and I worry I’ll have another bad experience with another therapist. I suppose I could ask my gp for recommendations. Thank you for the reply anyway and you have given some good advice.

I will add that I’ve never engaged in anything like drinking or stuff like that and I do struggle to make friends as I don’t seem to have anything in common with anyone, especially my age group. I don’t seem to understand all this gen z stuff like social media, slag phrases and weird texting etc despite being gen z myself. I don’t have any mates as I just rather be myself than be someone I’m not as masking can be a challenge

Hi. I must admit I get all counsellors, physiotherapist, psychologists etc all confusing. I have only been diagnosed recently and haven’t seen any sort of therapist since I must admit so at the time no one was aware I was autistic (though it was suspected) so maybe I can explain things better. I am making some quick notes on my phone so I know what to say when I see some sort of professional. 

As with what I like and don’t like, it was actually an abusing family member who started shaming me for what I like, etc films/tv shows I like, games I like, activities I like, how bad I am at stuff I create etc. when she found out I was being bullied in school my mum told her without my permission and well long story short, my mum started defending her and not me and therefore shaming me, my dad all did the same and so did the rest of the family. So yeah I guess you could say it was parental figures telling me though now they claim to have been in the wrong as a few years ago there was a big family fall out with the bullies and we don’t have anything to do with them. My problem is that because of the repetitiveness of it all I just lost trust, hope, faith in them etc. also had of course bullies from schools and other places including therapists I didn’t get along with said the same. I mean I am away from all the toxic people now but as I said it still haunts me. I will take the advice of the pros and cons but I personally feel what I like is beneficial for me. 

As for the gaming and saying about being weaker, like I said in the last paragraph just real toxic people said all that stuff and I do feel it was to undermine me and my confidence as they possibly have issues, I just don’t understand why people have to bully because I have so many issues and I would never dream of bullying someone who is vulnerable. Yes I would say they are wanting to control me and I hate to admit but I still feel they are controlling me and this is where I can’t seem to take control of myself. I am not exceeding healthy limits at all and I never was but no one believed that at the time. I always alternate my activities and go to bed at a decent time but I do feel these bullies just saw me as their prey and yeah I guess I’m just too weak still. Even if my mum realises now I still have that guilt stuck in my head and I worry I’ll have another bad experience with another therapist. I suppose I could ask my gp for recommendations. Thank you for the reply anyway and you have given some good advice.

I will add that I’ve never engaged in anything like drinking or stuff like that and I do struggle to make friends as I don’t seem to have anything in common with anyone, especially my age group. I don’t seem to understand all this gen z stuff like social media, slag phrases and weird texting etc despite being gen z myself. I don’t have any mates as I just rather be myself than be someone I’m not as masking can be a challenge