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Fearing work nowadays

Autismman

Nowadays I fear going to work, the constant changes and mood of certain staff. I’m not one of those who can just get on with it or compartmentalise feelings or thoughts when it comes to work. I don’t even want to work anywhere, I just want to live and be happy without someone else telling me I’ve got to do this at this time and that at that time. I’m 37 but over the last year or so I’ve felt very different towards my workplace but I’m not able to connect the exact thoughts I’m having with their real meaning or what it is my emotions are trying to say because the logical driver at the wheel drowns them out. Emotions usually help guide a choice leading to the emotionally desired outcome but that’s like talking to a brick wall for me, emotions are a language I struggle to interpret. It would be a huge change also either just walk out or change jobs, I’ve been at this place almost 20 years and I’ll admit I seem to associate a lot of things like work and others with my overall identity and sense of wellbeing so I feel a bit of a prisoner in my own mind I suppose.

  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you, you are right, I have changed but I had to wait for the emotions to equalise with the logic for me to make the final choice. I got to a point where I just knew I could not face another day there, just the thought of it started to make me feel sick. Companies are free to chop and change as they like but the workers sometimes find they are most productive when they are static in their role and responsibilities and that’s me. 

  • in reply to Autismman
    Autismman said:
    I just need to tackle the other side of the coin which is not walking back into a similar job with a similar role.

    Congrats on taking the leap. This can be a horrible decision to make but when it gets to the point you described, it was the right thing to do.

    Looking back, what changed. Was the job so very different until recenty or was it your ability to deal with change and the demands of others?

    Form my experience of work there will always be variability and demand as part of a role so I would suspect something has changed in you.

    The one thing I would recommend you do now is spend some time with a psychotherapist with a track record of helping autists and work through your issues with them.

    I had a similar change in my last few years of working and while I could tolerate the changes / demands I did find they were taking an increasing toll on me, so I elected to retire early and become my own boss. This was the best decision I ever made.

    The therapy was absolutely eye opening and has enabled me to get control of many autistic traits that were causing me issues as well as discover a lot more about myself that has led to a much better quality of life.

    Therapy isn't cheap (about £50/hour) but is such a good investment.

  • in reply to JamesB

    Well, I’ve actually left, couldn’t handle it anymore, already feeling better for it to be honest. I just need to tackle the other side of the coin which is not walking back into a similar job with a similar role.

  • I can strongly empathize  (especially the 'prisoner in my own mind' bit). I am 28 years into a similar situation, and have opened a tentative dialogue to discuss a 'sabbatical' or work hiatus for a few months. I feel that I need to understand if I can cope without the constant of my job as it is, and whether I have the capacity to 'grow' at all if this restriction/overhead is removed. Is this an option for you? 

  • Hi. It is so very hard, isn't it. The last time I changed jobs, 12 months ago, I promised myself I would NEVER do it again. I found the change incredibly difficult to cope with. Especially being accepted by a whole new group of workmates. To be honest, it has been a complete nightmare.

    When I was thinking about this last change, my reason was feeling increadibly unhappy at my previous work. Mainly, because of a breakdown with the relationship with my line manager. It was quite a complicated situation with a fair amount of back story. I think I could have probably worked things out with her, but at the time, it was making me ill. So, I left.

    When I was trying to work out the choice I wanted to make, there are two metaphors that came to my mind. But I'm sure you have already thought about these too. : The grass in greener' and 'Better the devil you know'

    That said. Sometimes things just get so bad, so toxic, that anything else has to be better.

    Best wishes for your big choices.

    x Mrs Snooks

  • Wow almost twenty years, that’s a long time to stick with it, Autismman. I can understand how switching jobs or even stopping with working for a while would be painful because of how huge of a change that would be.

    One recommendation I can think of is a four weeks notice. I don’t know if you guys do two weeks notice over in the UK, but here in the States we do, and sometimes you can push that to four weeks if there is a need to train new staff or hand off things over time. If you gave yourself a month to change jobs, that might make it a little more possible to ease your way out of that job, rather than stopping it cold turkey. It would also give you time to ease into the next job as well.

    Again though, understandably that would still be a huge change.