Overload and breakup

With apologies, I missed another good option for this purpose from my earlier reply.

Autistic Parents UK’s resources include peer support via both Facebook and Discord (an online chat app/site), facilitated groups, and one-on-one support:

"Autistic Parents UK CIO was founded in 2020 by Autistic parents seeking connection and support, born from a deep understanding of the unique challenges Autistic individuals face while navigating parenthood. We are the only national, Autistic-led charity offering essential support services, resources, education and a thriving community for Autistic parents."

Facebook - Autistic Parents UK - Peer Support Group

Autistic Parents UK

And one final suggestion: you could consider seeking emotional support from other parents who are, or who have been, in a similar situation via the NAS's parent-to-parent helpline. You can request a call here:

NAS - Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline

Thank you for this reply. 

Thank you. Do you know of any good online places to talk to people similar 

if she was applying the pressure to have more kids when you don't want them - then in my view, regardless of Autism, think you're better out of that relationship tbh.

don't put the blame on yourself or your autism

Understand it's raw now, but hopefully you'll feel better soon

Hi Graham and welcome to the community.

I’m really sorry to hear of your struggles. I’m also divorced, having had prior relationships that also broke down. Although I didn’t know at the time that I was / am autistic, in hindsight I have no doubt that it was a key factor.

Grahamm5790 said:

I now don’t know if I can meet anyone else because I will always be like this and I don’t like being alone either

If it’s any reassurance, although I felt very low and hopeless at the time, I came through it and, despite obviously still being autistic, met someone else - and we’ve now been together for 25 years.

Grahamm5790 said:

after speaking to my girlfriend she has ended it saying she can’t coupe with me

Whether in respect of potentially making up with your girlfriend, or for future relationships, you and/or your partner might find these resources helpful:

This book focuses on helping couples in which one partner is autistic to improve their relationships through better mutual understanding and communication, complete with exercises that you can both complete and discuss. Of the various books on this subject, I personally rate this one very highly, including because it takes a balanced view of each partner’s perspective, whereas other books on the subject can be unreasonably critical of us in their approaches:

Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

(It was written when "Asperger's" was still a diagnostic term, whereas it's now simply diagnosed as autism / Autism Spectrum Disorder).

You could also consider couples counselling, led by a neurodivergence-experienced counsellor

The NAS also has some related advice here:

Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

Grahamm5790 said:

i have anxiety too and it’s all really bad right now

I’d definitely suggest seeking support for this from your GP. These resources might also be helpful, as they discuss the issues in the specific context of autism:

NAS - Anxiety

NAS - Depression

NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

Grahamm5790 said:

anyone know of any chat services with people who are autistic ways to meet people locally who are the same? 

I suggest asking your GP to refer you to your local social prescriber. They can work with you to develop a care and support plan that meets not just your social needs, but also your practical and emotional needs. This could include helping you to find local autism groups or socialising activities, and/or getting help with housing, for example. The article below explains more (it relates to England, but the model operates throughout the UK):

NHS England - Social prescribing

You might also be able to find some socialising opportunities with other autistic people via the the NAS's directory - whether through a local NAS branch, or other types of support group or social programmes:

NAS - Autism Services Directory

NAS - Branches

You could search on Facebook and/or Google for any local groups that might fit with your interests and hobbies.

You might also find some of the advice in these articles helpful:

NAS - Loneliness - includes links to examples of how other autistic people experience and cope with loneliness.

NAS - Making friends - a guide for autistic adults

In closing, please accept my apologies for my lengthy reply and number of links. I wanted to touch on all of the issues that you raised. Hopefully some of the resources, at least, will prove helpful.