I messed up my assessment

Duncan - Great news  !!!!

That's great news - well done for having persevered, and congratulations! 

Well done for your prompt perseverance and I was pleased to hear you also had proof-reading support from your friend at short notice too (hopefully a bit less of a lonely part of the stressful and time-pressured experience).

Many of us can find the initial post-assessment / diagnosis phase can feel a bit odd - be kind to yourself.

Well done Duncan and congratulations.

I hope it has brought you some relief?

Pleased for you that you have a result you believe in.

Do you think seeing them face to face rather than online would have made it easier for them to see the true you, or don't know?

I think face to face is better, although I accept it can be more stressful and of course involves travel.

Thanks to all for your support. 

Though I have not received formal notification yet, it has been expressed to me informally, taking into account my addendum responses to the form provided, I have shown I (easily) meet the definition.

I feel heard. I feel noticed. I feel understood. My diagnosis is not and will never be an excuse. It is an opportunity for me to better understand myself and the challenges I face. I truly hope others get the same feeling of acceptance that I did. Both here and within the diagnostic process.

Even if I had not met the criteria, I has the chance to explain myself. A video interview did not allow me to express myself accurately. I was given that opportunity and appreciate it. 

I had my assessment last week and know how stressful it is and how you try to overthink everything they ask, it’s really tough. I think the fact you are going over this again and again is a trait in itself and perhaps you could mention that?? 
I thought I had replied to many things wrong or simply forgot things as I was under pressure. I had many things to say but once again when in a pressured environment I’m not able to say what I want to. 
I hope you are able to represent yourself in your most authentic way and receive the outcome your searching for. 

Thanks everyone for the push.

I replied saying I didn’t believe I had represented myself as I should. I actually received a call from the doctor with an opportunity to re-submit a form. I had a friend read through my answers and help me to explain my issues. I needed to do this tonight before the report was submitted tomorrow morning  

I have resubmitted the form and await the report. At least now I know that if I still don’t meet the criteria, then I have at least provided an honest account of myself. 

I feel so much better, if for no other reason than I felt genuine understanding and support. Something that I really needed. 

My message to anyone else who feels their interview didn’t go as they expected is to speak up as soon as you can. If the doctor hasn’t submitted their report you may get lucky and be offered another opportunity to explain. 

If you end up getting another assessment, I’d advise bringing in a list of your self-perceived qualities, stims, and special interests. If you’ve got a list and you follow it, it will be harder to mask.

I wish I had brought in a list because I forgot all of my qualities/interests out of stress. I don’t think I even mentioned how hard changes in my routine are. Thankfully I was told I am “borderline ASD,” so I still qualified.

Thanks. I have left a message for the assessor along those lines. How I was concentrating on how I cope rather than how I feel. Survival mode. Can’t look weak.

Previous to the video call I filled in forms, and I did have another person (my mother who I also believe to be on the spectrum) fill in similar forms, but in the interview it was just me and the doctor. 

Thanks also for your kind words. I definitely fall foul of the intense masking then blame myself for not being honest. It’s comforting to speak to people who have similar experiences. 

I would not wait for the report. 

As Jalapeno suggested - I would contact them as soon as possible.

Try to explain to them that you are distressed because you believe decades of masking in stressful situations means you are worried that, again, you really struggled to step away from that approach during the virtual assessment. 

You could describe to them that you feel that you were "concentrating on how I cope with obsession and change etc rather than how they affect me as that’s what we do. We try to show people we are coping."

I was a little surprised that you experienced: "Why is the assessment just talking to me" - were you / the assessors not able to reach out to also talk with people in your household / friends or relatives who have known you across a number of years (as an adult or as a child)?

I fully appreciate it can be very difficult to have / even want access to a relative who knew you as a child. 

I didn't do that. 

Instead, my assessor spoke to someone who had lived in my household when I was an adult (they are perhaps more likely to have experienced you in "less-masking-mode"?).

I would be really surprised if your experience of battling with a virtual assessment setting, as an adult client, was at all uncommon.

After all, by the very nature of us being adults; it naturally follows that: our survival mode / default stance often tends to be "mask for all you are worth!".

Do please be kind to yourself. 

Give yourself credit for having navigated the assessment process.

I am sure you did your utmost in difficult circumstances.

Looking at my provider, I’m concerned by this statement “We are currently experiencing huge numbers of patient notes, and this is causing delay of up to 4 months to respond.”

The NAS advises: "If you disagree with the outcome of the assessment, you may want to raise your concerns directly with the team of professionals who assessed you. You can consider requesting a second opinion by going to your GP if you have had an assessment through the NHS."

NAS - What happens during an autism assessment > Assessment results and report

I second Jalapeno's suggestion to contact your assessment provider to express your concerns - preferably as soon as possible, rather than waiting for the report to be issued.

Why not contact them and explain how you feel, that you didn't have time to process the questions on the day and answer them properly, so fired quick responses that may have downplayed your struggles.

They usually take a week or two to write up the report, but contact them asap - see if you can have perhaps a short call.

Thanks for your reply

So far I only have the verdict as it was given to me verbally in the Teams online meeting. I’m just hugely stressed as I’m struggling with work already and this makes me feel I have no support as usual. 

I did try to be honest, but I realised that the involuntary masking had taken over and I was downplaying issues as a defence. Now I feel I have misrepresented myself and been dismissed as “not having a problem”.

I can wait for the report to see what it says, but I have no indication if/when I will receive that or what to do next. 

I filled in the masking questionnaire, along with others, at the start of the process. Assuming they are skilled they should be able to see through some of that.

I just tried to answer all the questions in the interviews honestly. I thought I was too normal, I didn't exaggerate anything. I did spend some time preparing, although my psychologist said there was no need.

Note that it is not just what you say, but how you say it and the type of things you bring up. 

Do have the report yet or just the verdict? There may be more information in the report.