I have for the last 20 years, had very limited physical social interaction with humans. Averaging 3-10 outings a year at best mostly going to doctors and the occasional relative.
While logically, I know that, taking small steps to go outside every now and then can help quite a bit, slightly lessen the anxiety I feel just thinking about going outside. It's been.. such a long time that... I feel like there simply is no need to do so anymore... I can't come up with a reason that truly motivates me to want to go outside, a reason that justifies the pain and discomfort I'd have to deal with to do something.. outside.
I know no one, am known by no one, I have no IRL friends within my immediate vicinity, heck.. I only recently went into the centre of my town for the first time in years only because I was already out after a doctors appointment.. and all of these outings are with my dad who is my carer.
I'm more speaking about going outside.. alone.. but maybe I'm getting ahead of myself.. I don't generally like asking to go places because I'd have to drag my dad along.. and I don't want to burden him with that as he does enough for me as it is.. and even if I did ask... where would I even go when I can't find anything that remotely interests me.
Is this the curse of living in a 'smallish' town? A lack of interesting things to do? Am I too far gone being isolated for so long? Am I just so fearful of leaving my comfort zone that I refused to even try? Am I avoiding doing anything cause of the anxiety I feel? The 'what if this happens' nonsense?
Is it all the above?
Trying to make sense.. of the jumbled mess of spaghetti that is life... I know of one place I could make a start.. sort of... but I don't think I can bring myself to even begin..
