• Replies 2 replies
  • Subscribers 82 subscribers
  • Views 274 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Self-sabotage.

Glizbeth

Heyo, I know it's been a while. Sweat smile

But has anyone had those times that they actively go against their own interests? Because I've had this happen to me on several occasions. Even in my teens. Especially when just getting a foot into the job market I have my eyes on.

And it's not because of the lack of competence since I pick out stuff quickly and actually go out of my own way to learn (if it interests me obviously). I feel it's my reluctance to accept I'm an adult and all the responsibilities that come with it. I remember "managing" (masking hard) around 18-20 but after a mental health crisis and me finding out I'm autistic and possibly ADHD, had left me reconsidering if I can do anything without feeling like a husk of myself.
I'm not sure if I mentioned or not but my previous jobs were a pain to deal with. I hated only having energy for work then eating sleeping and repeating the whole work week. Makes me miserable.

Finally had my autism report handed to me and well the resources to "help" are the same things I saw other autistics mention it's not as helpful to all people in that demographic. I genuinely feel lost, it's like I've been dealt a bad set of cards because "I don't follow neurotypical and allistic rules" and I'm not peopley enough to self myself to an interviewer or entertain those co-worker conversations. I'm only bringing this up since I didn't continue with apprenticeship application processes due to that record your responses for some bs AI to review. And I really need to get into a job soon. And I'm sure as hell aware that disclosing having autism to an employer might mess up my chances more.

Doubling back on the autism assessment, I found it a bit amusing that both my Dad and the assessor pointing out my deep interest and skills with science, tech, art and engineering. Not to yuck my own yum, a few people throughout my life have called me out on it. And Let's say I've avoided being the "smart" or "hardworking" person since it has come back to bite me. Now that I've eased off the effort off pursuing stuff, I feel hella guilty which I shouldn't be because I've literally worked/stressed myself to ill health. 
Every way I look at it, I see there's potential of me overworking myself.

Recently, I haven't been feeling like doing anything but also feel understimulated. I hate being in this stump because I have things I really want to do but just can't seem to have the executive functioning to do so and the boredom gets too much at times. Not to mention reducing my sugar intake.

I see why other neurodivergent peeps are hopeless and I don't blame them either.

I don't really have much positive things to end this post with. Sweat smile

Parents
  • Glizbeth said:

    Recently, I haven't been feeling like doing anything but also feel understimulated. I hate being in this stump because I have things I really want to do but just can't seem to have the executive functioning to do so and the boredom gets too much at times.

    I feel like I went through something similar just a week ago. I had this period of knowing I can do this thing that I know I enjoy doing but the state I was feeling at the time completely contradicted what I knew and made it difficult to just take a step forward.

    I was left just not wanting to do anything at all, I spent hours just sitting in a chair.. doing absolutely nothing but exist.

    For me personally.. I'm not entirely sure how I got out of this 'funk' whether it subsided just enough for me to brute force myself into starting the thing I wanted to do or something else I couldn't tell you. I just managed to finally start the thing and after that the oppressive feeling I felt subsided.

    This is but one example though, as this kind of thing happens in cycles a lot with myself.

    Usually triggered by something that could be classed as a roadblock I guess, Something made what I wanted to do difficult beyond the usual which sent me into a downward spiral.

    Not entirely certain if any of this is remotely similar to what you were talking about though but thought I'd share regardless.

Reply
  • Glizbeth said:

    Recently, I haven't been feeling like doing anything but also feel understimulated. I hate being in this stump because I have things I really want to do but just can't seem to have the executive functioning to do so and the boredom gets too much at times.

    I feel like I went through something similar just a week ago. I had this period of knowing I can do this thing that I know I enjoy doing but the state I was feeling at the time completely contradicted what I knew and made it difficult to just take a step forward.

    I was left just not wanting to do anything at all, I spent hours just sitting in a chair.. doing absolutely nothing but exist.

    For me personally.. I'm not entirely sure how I got out of this 'funk' whether it subsided just enough for me to brute force myself into starting the thing I wanted to do or something else I couldn't tell you. I just managed to finally start the thing and after that the oppressive feeling I felt subsided.

    This is but one example though, as this kind of thing happens in cycles a lot with myself.

    Usually triggered by something that could be classed as a roadblock I guess, Something made what I wanted to do difficult beyond the usual which sent me into a downward spiral.

    Not entirely certain if any of this is remotely similar to what you were talking about though but thought I'd share regardless.

Children
No Data