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Being misunderstood

OAP - Older Autistic Person

Morning...could do with some kind words.

We have some pleasant neighbours who we get on with. Their cat is very friendly, and we have looked after him when they have been away on holiday, so he has come to see us a friendly and safe.

As a consequence their cat now comes into our house constantly, despite our discouraging this. It is impossible to stop as during this warm weather we keep our garden door open.

The neighbours are away this weekend, and so I let them know their cat was popping in, which they are apparently ok with. I then mentioned he was shedding a lot of fur and so would probably appreciate a good brush when they get back. I meant it light heartedly, but they have taken it as me telling them how to look after their cat.

I am fed up with being misunderstood. It makes me so uncomfortable and triggers my flight response, so I quit the Whatsapp group we have with them. I usually avoid Whatsapp with people I do not know well - I should have known better than to get involved.

These are the experiences that makle me want to withdraw into utter solitude.

Feeling pretty low today as a result.

Parents

  • I had to move house due to a misunderstanding with a neighbour.  They complained that they genuinely thought I had a vendetta against them. They cited examples of when I had been horrible to them, and it was just all bullshit.

    One time they had some roofing done and the roofer had to put up some scaffolding. Most of the way through the construction, over a weekend, the owners went up on the scaffold to paint their house from brown to white. Roofer arrived the next morning when I was in my garden. I saw that he did good work and asked him if he come and quote work on my roof. Roofer then asked me who had painted their house white over the weekend, and he looked pretty angry about it, saying 'if some painter was using my scaffold there's gonna be some trouble' and I realised he could get into a lot of trouble for allowing unauthorised users to go up on his scaffold, so I said nah, it was the owners who did it, no need to worry, it's their insurance not yours. Next thing I know the neighbours banging on my door saying I "reported" them. I tried to get them to *think* what the consequences would have been if I had said nothing and they said to mind my own business.

    After that, they started inventing stuff, claiming I reported them for road tax evasion, and because of that [in another confrontation at my door] they decided to block my parking space on purpose. My denials only reinforced their conclusion. 

    I guess it's impossible - if they've decided you did something wrong there's nothing you can say to them to get it right.

Reply

  • I had to move house due to a misunderstanding with a neighbour.  They complained that they genuinely thought I had a vendetta against them. They cited examples of when I had been horrible to them, and it was just all bullshit.

    One time they had some roofing done and the roofer had to put up some scaffolding. Most of the way through the construction, over a weekend, the owners went up on the scaffold to paint their house from brown to white. Roofer arrived the next morning when I was in my garden. I saw that he did good work and asked him if he come and quote work on my roof. Roofer then asked me who had painted their house white over the weekend, and he looked pretty angry about it, saying 'if some painter was using my scaffold there's gonna be some trouble' and I realised he could get into a lot of trouble for allowing unauthorised users to go up on his scaffold, so I said nah, it was the owners who did it, no need to worry, it's their insurance not yours. Next thing I know the neighbours banging on my door saying I "reported" them. I tried to get them to *think* what the consequences would have been if I had said nothing and they said to mind my own business.

    After that, they started inventing stuff, claiming I reported them for road tax evasion, and because of that [in another confrontation at my door] they decided to block my parking space on purpose. My denials only reinforced their conclusion. 

    I guess it's impossible - if they've decided you did something wrong there's nothing you can say to them to get it right.

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