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Do you find things disappointing, less good than you imagined?

Stuart333

Maybe it is part of masking and preparation, but I always used to imagine how everything would be. I would play out future scenes, trips, interactions, conversations in my head ahead of time. I'd plan how I would feel, how I would react, there would be multiple options.

Invariably I would imagine things to be better than they turned out to be. It lead to everything being a bit of a disappointment because it never turned out quite as good as I imagined. I guess it also lead to my first burnout too.

Years ago I tried to change to live a bit more in the moment and only prepare the bare minimum. It means you can take things as they are and feel less disappointment. It is a bit more stressful at first, but you can get used to it abd it frees up mental effort and time.

I do still create fantasies in my mind though. I imagine things I would like to happen, but I know they are unlikely.

I wondered if others do, or did, this?

I thought it was normal, but I have realised the degree was not.

  • Yes! I do this all the time. I mentally rehearse interactions/situations and pre plan both mine and other's emotional responses in my head. I'm always imagining the most ideal outcome. It's about trying to script and control the unpredictable parts to make things feel safer or more manageable. The problem is though as you mentioned, reality rarely plays out like the script. And when it doesn't then for me it often feels like failure or disappointment because it was 'supposed' to look a certain way. 

    I think another part of it is just the fantasy of being effortlessly social or carefree and relaxed. I'm still imagining how I think things 'should'  be through a neurotypical lens and I need to accept that's not my reality and is not how I'm going to experience the world and just let things be as they are (easier said than done though) 

  • Yes I do something similar building things up in my head. Depending on what it is, can be a disappointment or better than I expected. Unfortunately I tend to think the worse in a lot of situations but sometimes if it’s something I’m looking forward to I get the kind of thing you’re talking about 

  • I used to do it all the time, especially as a teenager, there was the fear of would I be allowed out at all, coupled with a desperate need for something exciting to happen. Now I just worry myself into a state of not being able to go anywhere much, not that theres anywhere much to go, at least I no longer feel I have to go places I don't want to go.

  • Sometimes I think this can be an unwelcome side effect of our need to over-plan / over-prepare / advance scripting / enthusiasm of anticipation.

    ...while I derive comfort from each of the above; I do acknowledge and recognise the potential downstream risk: of a measure of disappointment / frustration may follow.