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I feel like a bad parent

Alien0n3arth

I'm not sure if I'm a bad parent or I'm exaggerating. Tge problem us that I can't stay in our reality for longer than a minute. My daughter plays and my brain wanders. My daughter talks to me and wants me to answer. But I barely register that. My brain is somewhere in a black hole or pulsar, on proxima centauri or terraforming Mars and building a city there, I have dialogues with aliens I explore life on enceladus or travel with the speed of light etc. If I read something about my intense interest, you can speak to me. You can shout at me. It takes me time to register you and answer. It's not malicious. I don't want yo hurt my little one. How to cope?

  • in reply to Stuart333

    I often forget about hunger and drinking, or I forget that I’m not hungry anymore but still eat.  It also happens that I eat but then I forget about it because of being in a different state while having the meal, then I find empty plate and I wonder where is the food gone. I dramatically often forget to drink. Yes it’s obsessive thinking. It’s my whole life but now I just started considering it a problem because I have my daughter.

  • If the fact that you don't socially attend to your child as well as you wish you did strikes you as bad I see at least two routes being relevant here: 1) reflect and ascertain whether that bad is merely pro tanto; if it is not, then 2) educate yourself on strategies for being more attentive in that respect, or, also, medicate yourself appropriately (which can be made easier by talking to a professional).

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    It doesn't sound like you are in circular thinking or rumination. You can Google ways to break that.

    It seems like you are stuck in your special interest.

    That may be harder to break, which is why I wondered if you could trick it.

    Otherwise you just need to be disciplined and manage your thoughts. You may find it is easier with or without things like caffeine, or when you are hungry or thirsty. If you can find patterns it will make it easier to make adjustments.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thank you managing my thoughts is difficult because they are long and going in circles. Pretending that she is alien or something like that isn't possible. It's all in my brain 

  • What if you pretend your daughter is an alien and it is your mission to observe and support her. It is your special interest to gather data on how to be a good parent. You can share this with the aliens in your head when she is asleep. Maybe this will trick your mind.

    Alternatively, perhaps you could manage your thoughts more carefully. Allow yourself some dedicated time each evening to allow your mind to wander on the condition that during the day or can't. If you have time we aside it may help to create a routine and free you up.

    Perhaps you could imagine the aliens are also on a schedule so you have to book a time for a call.

    Perhaps exploration can only be done at certain times, you need to recharge your suitcase or get more air.