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relationships with neurotypicals

Andy1757

hi everyone, new community member here.

I would like some advice from any people in the community who have had some success with this issue.

My wife of 19 years has said she wants to leave me. Citing the usual reasons of me showing little intimacy to her and seldom wanting to do anything social related.

we have been here before, about 10 years ago. Then,as an ASD1, and after much practice, i got really quite good at understanding the needs and expectations of neurotypical females.

and we had a very fulfilling and rewarding relationship.

Only in the last 2-3 years, my efforts reduced, partly complacency, partly a bit of laziness i suppose.

My question to the community, or anyone who has had a successful formulae in these matters?

i really love my wife and will do anything to keep her, so what do people do to constantly remind themselves of the constant need to keep the considerable efforts up, ALWAYS, and not revert back?  

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  • I’m happy that my husband is NT, although he does not understand many of my problems, he picks up on non verbal cues perfectly and is good at performing conversations and negotiations and it really saves me a lot of stress. I myself often can not distinguish if he is angry or sad. And I ask him the “stupid question” if he is angry. He said he has no idea what to do about this issue.
    i also force myself to reply to his “I love you” with the same. I prefer “I’m happy with you”, “I’m happy that you are here with me” but I know that I’m lucky to have someone telling me, that he loves me, so I just conform and reply with the same. Although it feels somehow weird and these words don’t truly have the power and meaning to me. Also sleeping in one bed is often challenging but I do my best to sleep with my husband at least on weekends (sensory issues) and I hate birthdays and gifts. He always wants to get me a gift, I refuse, saying that he is my gift. And then I get some piece of jewellery or cosmetics and I don’t know what to do with it. 

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  • I’m happy that my husband is NT, although he does not understand many of my problems, he picks up on non verbal cues perfectly and is good at performing conversations and negotiations and it really saves me a lot of stress. I myself often can not distinguish if he is angry or sad. And I ask him the “stupid question” if he is angry. He said he has no idea what to do about this issue.
    i also force myself to reply to his “I love you” with the same. I prefer “I’m happy with you”, “I’m happy that you are here with me” but I know that I’m lucky to have someone telling me, that he loves me, so I just conform and reply with the same. Although it feels somehow weird and these words don’t truly have the power and meaning to me. Also sleeping in one bed is often challenging but I do my best to sleep with my husband at least on weekends (sensory issues) and I hate birthdays and gifts. He always wants to get me a gift, I refuse, saying that he is my gift. And then I get some piece of jewellery or cosmetics and I don’t know what to do with it. 

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