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Being single and lonely

being_an_indvidual_on_my_own

Being an autistic gay man of a certain age I've been finding life more and more tough the past few years. I have spent a lot of time in isolation, a lot of time in a state of depression. I struggle to get outside and I only have contact with a few family members. This means I have had a lot of time to think (probably too much) and assess myself, my place in the world, and the people distantly around me.

I have realised that everyone I know are seemingly in relationships, they live with their other half, they have children, and they lead busy lives. I on the other hand have no one else, apart from 3 family members and my dogs. I know you shouldn't compare lives because it's like comparing apples to oranges but it is hard not to, it's just life.

It's made me realise that being single is part of my loneliness. It sounds like a contradiction but I know being lonely isn't a reason to be in a relationship, that can lead to being in a bad relationship with the wrong person, I've already been there. I'm not desperate to be in a relationship but also it would be nice to eventually find someone. Trying to connect with someone can feel so draining and daunting when you are autistic. I find myself masking on dating apps, that's without actually meeting anyone physically, it's just draining and stressful. 

Are there others who feel the same way? 

Parents

  • I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for us to feel lonely and isolated.

    You might find some of the advice in these articles helpful:

    NAS - Loneliness - includes links to other examples of autistic people's experiences of loneliness and how they cope.

    NAS - Making friends - a guide for autistic adults

    You might also like to consider asking your GP to refer you to your local social prescriber. I've had my first two appointments with ours, and have already been given some useful ideas for getting out and about more. Their role is to develop a personalised care and support plan that meets not just your social needs, but also your practical and emotional needs. This could include helping you to find local groups or socialising activities, for example. The article below explains more (it relates to England, but the same model operates throughout the UK):

    NHS England - Social prescribing

    You might also be able to find some socialising opportunities via the the NAS's directory - whether through a local NAS branch, or other types of support group or social programmes:

    NAS - Autism Services Directory

    NAS - Branches

    As a final suggestion, you could search on Facebook and/or Google for any local groups that might fit with your interests and hobbies.

Reply

  • I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for us to feel lonely and isolated.

    You might find some of the advice in these articles helpful:

    NAS - Loneliness - includes links to other examples of autistic people's experiences of loneliness and how they cope.

    NAS - Making friends - a guide for autistic adults

    You might also like to consider asking your GP to refer you to your local social prescriber. I've had my first two appointments with ours, and have already been given some useful ideas for getting out and about more. Their role is to develop a personalised care and support plan that meets not just your social needs, but also your practical and emotional needs. This could include helping you to find local groups or socialising activities, for example. The article below explains more (it relates to England, but the same model operates throughout the UK):

    NHS England - Social prescribing

    You might also be able to find some socialising opportunities via the the NAS's directory - whether through a local NAS branch, or other types of support group or social programmes:

    NAS - Autism Services Directory

    NAS - Branches

    As a final suggestion, you could search on Facebook and/or Google for any local groups that might fit with your interests and hobbies.

Children
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