Recently discovered ASD has Relationship issues.

I don't think you'll find a simple single source, because everyone is different. It is why there are endless books, YouTube videos, articles and counsellors related to relationships generally.

No two autistic people are the same and the dynamics in relationships depend on both partners.

The key is open and honest communication and a willingness to compromise by both parties. If only one side compromises you can end up with an unbalanced or exploitative arrangement that will breed resentment.

You've already done better than I did in that you're prepared to accept you may have ASD, are not too stubborn, accept there is an issue and you haven't reached the point where you want to escape.

Stress can lead you to getting closer to burnout. In my case I  became more depressed, more fixated on certain things, more focussed on the negative items and less able to see the positive, had less capacity and ability to address day to day items, became more rigid and more closed in my thinking, I struggled to sleep more and became more sleep deprived, and wanted to drink more. I did not know what was wrong.

I did not want to go to relationship counselling as I thought it was no-one else's business. This was a big mistake. I could not talk openly, I gave too much and pushed myself too hard, we grew apart. I needed space to think and recover, but did not understand why. The risk is appearing cold and distant because of this, which is what she interpreted it as. She wanted to be closer and support me, I wanted to be left alone. I didn't know why I was depressed and needed space, I thought it was her. It is possible in my case it was all a huge misunderstanding (it traumatized me and I have been alone for a long time now, I couldn't process it properly till the last few months).

(We also had other issues and ended up in a codependency that was a bit isolated a d dysfunctional.)

There are differences in terms of love languages, which are the little cues you pick up on and the things you do to show affection.

You can Google autistic love languages and it will come up with some items that will help.

Do the same in YouTube and you will find useful videos. If  something resonates you can then look for similar stuff.

If you find things that you identify with, show them to your partner and talk through the topics. I wish I had done this but none of it was available and attitudes were different.

There may also be some books on relationship issues between ND and NT people. But as people are different there is not going to be a simple answer.

I suppose I should also say don't assume you are always wrong. Try to use other people as sounding boards, if you have people you can talk openly to without dying of embarrassment.

Don't get too paranoid and totally change either as you won't be the person she was attracted to. This is where you really have to talk about what each person is looking for. If it is a struggle or you get stuck use a 3rd party counsellor

I'll also share the 5 things she said that have haunted me for years:

1. You don't need anyone (because I needed space to recover, but was also too stubborn and closed, but I did need her)

2. I don't know you (because I dropped all masking and autistic traits became more obvious due to stress and depression, but she knew me better than I knew myself)

3. You won't help yourself (true, hyper independence, perhaps from childhood issues, I don't understand this one yet)

4. You never laugh (I was depressed from pressure)

5. You will be old and lonely (the one I have been in denial about).

Good luck.

5th one is hard to read and resonates with me.

We should make more friends to dodge that.

5th one is hard to read and resonates with me.

We should make more friends to dodge that.

We really should! But with life the way it is and companies not realising people need time to do things after work - it’s not an easy thing to achieve.