Recently discovered ASD has Relationship issues.

Hi and welcome to the community.

james424 said:

can anyone point me in a good and reputable source of information or point of contact I can speak to in order to understand ASD and how I can be more aware of stuff

In respect of learning more about autism, I suggest starting here; this top-level overview also includes links to other articles that go into much more detail about various aspects:

NAS - What is autism?

In respect of your relationship, you might find this book helpful. It focuses on helping couples - in which one partner is autistic and the other isn’t - to improve their relationships through better mutual understanding and communication, complete with exercises that you can both complete and discuss, if you wish:

Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

It was written when "Asperger's" was still a diagnostic term, whereas it's now simply diagnosed as autism / Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Caveat: between one issue / scenario and the next, the author keeps switching the couple around. In one scenario, the male is autistic, but in the next it's the female, etc. This can be confusing, and I kept needing to check and remind myself "which person is autistic this time?" But I still felt that the benefits from the book were very worthwhile. 

The NAS also has some related advice here:

Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

You could also consider couples counselling led by a neurodivergent-experienced counsellor.

james424 said:

Not officially diagnosed due to waiting assessment

In respect of your pending assessment, if you live in England and are currently on the NHS's own waiting list, then you might like to ask your GP about re-referring you using the Right to Choose pathway (RTC), which you are entitled to use instead if you wish. In England (only), this enables access to certain, approved, private autism assessment providers who typically have much shorter waiting lists than the NHS, but with your referral and assessment still fully funded by the NHS. 

I was on an NHS waiting list for two years before I learned about RTC and switched to it (on the recommendation of an NHS psychiatrist). My assessment and diagnosis hen followed around just four months later.

Some examples of RTC providers are listed here, along with some further explanation. More information:

NAS - How to request an autism assessment

Hi Bunny,

Thank you so much for all those links. I'll start going through them shortly and make some notes.

I absolutely want to give counselling a go. Like I said to Stuart below - We're not married or anything, but we've been together 3 years and I'm not willing to just give up on us. She's had her own issues with ADHD which I supported her through - thankfully there's a lot more that can be done there, and a lot quicker it would seem.

I've emailed my GP and asked about the RTC. I know when I was originally taken on board by CLAS for formal assessment they said the RTC pathway was closed, but that was over a year ago. Hopefully the GP can suggest something there.

Thanks for the pointers.

James.

Hi Bunny,

Thank you so much for all those links. I'll start going through them shortly and make some notes.

I absolutely want to give counselling a go. Like I said to Stuart below - We're not married or anything, but we've been together 3 years and I'm not willing to just give up on us. She's had her own issues with ADHD which I supported her through - thankfully there's a lot more that can be done there, and a lot quicker it would seem.

I've emailed my GP and asked about the RTC. I know when I was originally taken on board by CLAS for formal assessment they said the RTC pathway was closed, but that was over a year ago. Hopefully the GP can suggest something there.

Thanks for the pointers.

James.