Do you ever get days when you feel even more autistic?

Why yes of course, i experience all of these and a whole lot more, and its not just a few days, its every day! 7 days a week, 28 to 31 days a month and 365 days a year, so yes that's the harsh truth! it fluctuates at different points depending on mood though. 

I seem to be having a lot of those days today included  

Certainly,today was of one of those days

Sorry, my response was poorly worded.

Things are not too complicated to be explained by someone that knows what they are talking about. The issue is the average store person is not that person.

Either people in the store don't actually know because they are just there to shift boxes and have no involvement in the product, or they are not paid enough to get the right calibre of staff, or they don't care and are not trained and just say yes to get the sale.

I'm sure some of it is age, but I don't agree that some things can't be explained as they're to complicated, I think people have a script that they cannot deviate from, like the woman who said I could pop into the mobile phone shop and they'd show me how to answer calls, I asked if she thought the person would still be calling, but the time I'd driven 20 miles, parked and waled to the shop? Or do you do these shoes in a size 8? It's not a difficult questions really is it? I don't expect to be told to look on their website, also websites lie, they say they do things that the person in store say they don't do.

Yes, I’m having one now and have been struggling with feeling disconnected for over a week. There are basic housekeeping things need to do and I have been spending ages on some things that should only take a few minutes, and time is passing without me realising until it’s too late. 

I feel as if my friends that I see occasionally are in a different world and I can’t imagine that I ever connected with them. It’s as if I was a different person, like looking at a photograph of myself when I was a child and seeing someone else. 

Disconnection has happened many times previously, so I am just going to keep going at a snail’s pace, knowing that things will improve at some stage.

Some of this is just age. Even NTs get set in their ways, less flexible and more conservative as they get older.

It is not helped by a lot of the new services, features and options not really making things better. It's why some die out, others get revised etc. A lot of the change is either done for the sake of it to get people to buy more stuff, to promote new services you don't want, or to drive down costs to improve profit margin. The job of the marketing people is then to convince you that you need it all, when you don't.

When you are younger you associate it all with progress because you don't know any different.

I also get concerned about being left behind so am trying to catch up with some things I have resisted for years. But I am a Luddite even though I work in tech.

I think you just need to be clear about what you need to run your life and do what you want, then focus on them, and ignore the rest.

No-one can answer questions about stuff because it is too complicated and they don't make it, they just sell the boxes that they bought in.

I think today is one of those days, although to be honest I'm feeling mroe and more disconnected from the world in general. I feel like there are very different overlapping worlds, theres one where people live in large urban areas, especially within the M25, where all sort of cultural things happen, theres better public transport and services. People have trendy clothes and make-up, go on holidays to exotic places, etc. Theres the one I live in, rural, low tech, fewer services, little culture, little money, few shops and over run with tourists who treat us like servants. I suspect theres another one or two in the middle, but I don't know what they are.

I don't know if I should be concerned at my disconnection? It's no good asking others because they will answer depending on how they live thier own lives and how these two or more world intersect for them and on how they'd like to live.

I suppose I am concerned about it or I would write about it so much, or maybe a better word would be confused, everything's changing so fast I really can't keep up and there seems no way of keeping up, even getting a new telly seems to need a degree to understand and nobody seems able to anser a straight question either.

When I'm overly tired or stressed everything goes out of the window, it's little teetering on the edge of a shutdown.

Yes, especially at the moment for me. I haven't been getting support at work, which is extremely hard for me. I am extremely stressed at all times, which makes my physical illnesses appear in full force. I feel so low and hopeless and I have even less ability to perform most "easy" tasks. 

Oh, yes. Days when I barely manage to drag myself through the morning. Then I have to lie down in a darkened room for a few hours.

it's a Harshad number, which means 'gives joy' in Sanskrit :)

You aren't alone in feeling this way. It comes and goes with me at random, making me feel like I just want to sit under my duvet and play games instead of just about anything else I'd normally do, even against my routine.

1000x percent, friend. Days like today when my sleep is less than stellar, my sensory issues are off the charts. I usually pride myself on functioning pretty smoothly in public places, but some days require headphones the whole day, and doing something as simple as walking into a department store feels like a herculean feat. We're not any less or more autistic on these days, just facing a few more barriers than usual. It's hard to remember that the balance between difficulty and inability and discomfort are very blurred, but the best thing I can do for myself, I believe the best any of us can do, is keep a positive attitude and forgive ourselves when we fall short.

Yes, I definitely get that. I'm not sure how to put it into words and I want to be careful to make it clear that I'm writing about my experiences, and that they may not translate to other people's experiences. I think it's when I feel less able to cope, less able to mask or feeling overwhelmed by the myriad of things going on in my life that I notice I feel more of an Autist.

The more stress and pressure I am under, the more the traits come out.

I have always prioritised work, so everything else gets compromised. But the last few months I have not been doing this.

The last 2 weeks I sold my car that I had for 21 years, I bought a new one and had to spend 2 hours to go and collect it, plus sort out insurance and  put number on retention (Dvla rules confused me), had forms to fill in for my diagnosis meeting, I had people chasing me at work, I needed some time off, the garden needs watering, etc.

It was too much and started to struggle and become more emotional and my thinking became less clear. I also started to call people just to talk, rather than just deal with it. I am not sure why, they couldn't solve it, I just became more indecisive. I also stopped being able to do as much work.

Since I have become aware I have noticed this. In the past I would just have ignored the stress and squashed the emotions and just done the minimum. But I am trying to feel emotions now and not have the knot in my chest, and not use alcohol to cope.

I want to try to pace myself better and be comfortable with priorities and allocating my time without feeling guilty.

Yes, just yes. Right know a lot of my routines are changing. I‘m so much closer to the edge all of the time and have less energy for stuff like socialising so I‘m currently very lonely and in a constant inner battle between not wanting to be alone all of the time and not having the energy to do stuff outside of my usual appointments and duties. I‘m more sensory sensitive, less sociable, more indecisive, easily irritated and struggle to perform basic tasks like cooking, cleaning, organising stuff or even showering or brushing my teeth every night (have that mostly back under control, but it was rather scary for me as a usually very hygienic person).

Without wishing to be too blasé about it - every day since I was diagnosed. 

I've been trying recently to put energy accounting into practice. I run a TTRPG group on a Monday. So, I do not socialise even with family or with friends on a Sunday or a Monday. I do a little social media stuff like forums and the like on a Sunday, but limit the time. 

It's after I socialise or have to talk to a doctor, or basically anyone outside of the normal day-to-day that I struggle the most. My threshold for dealing with people in general is rock flaming bottom right now.

I've noticed that the more fatigued I feel (mentally), the more I struggle with 'appropriate communication'. I as a rule don't lie or engage in the social niceties most days. I'm usually tactful enough to have some form of filter there, but on days when the fatigue is present, the filter drops and I become incredibly, likely offensively blunt. 

I also have noticed days on which I don't talk, largely because I put myself into a routine which doesn't require me to. If I'm anywhere near people I'll have earphones on and music playing so that I don't have to engage.

I have periods (currently it’s happening) when talking to anyone is mentally painful. Now I can’t even get anything done, any project I start, i get interrupted and it drives me crazy. Sometimes I even bang my head off of a wall or want to hurt myself out of frustration. I often feel like it shakes me from inside and I can’t find myself a place. The only thing that helps me de escalate this stress growing like a volcano is my number writing. I have ideas to continue one of my sci fi stories but of course can not. I get interrupted anytime I try. At least this activity can be interrupted anytime and I can continue anytime and it’s infinite project that makes no sense but gives me some pleasure and calms me down. I love some numbers such as 130 001 1130 (an example from the previous notebook) I get excited with such numbers. Once I showed a photo if it in one online group and they “diagnosed “ me online with schizophrenia. My therapist sees that too and he didn’t mention any schizophrenia, but atypical autism. Not official diagnosis though. Since I know what autism is I often find myself analyzing “oh, this behavior was a symptom” but it makes me tired. Autism to me is heavy and grey like a hippo in a dirt, but atypical tastes like waffles with vanilla filling and has a nice powder color. So this diagnosis would be more pleasant to me than just autism.