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Can a manager bring up pregnancy symptoms and grief from a miscarriage during a performance review?

Azq

I work in a large tech company in Ireland and recently had a performance review where my manager referenced personal health issues related to pregnancy—specifically dizziness and fatigue—as part of his justification for rating my performance lower. He said I lacked a 'can do' attitude and my part of the project was lagging behind another.

I also experienced a miscarriage during this period and shared that with my manager in good faith, thinking it would provide necessary context for temporary performance fluctuations. However, he made no accommodations and instead included those periods in his negative evaluation. At one point, when I mentioned health-related struggles (e.g., lack of sleep, difficulty commuting), he replied, “I expect 100% from everyone every day.”

I feel that referencing these personal and protected issues in a performance review is deeply inappropriate and possibly discriminatory.

My question is:

What steps can I take to protect myself and ensure this doesn’t impact my career long-term?

I’m trying to remain professional and objective, but I feel emotionally unsafe and unsupported. I’d appreciate guidance on how to navigate this while protecting both my health and career.

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  • Azq said:
    What steps can I take to protect myself and ensure this doesn’t impact my career long-term?

    I don't think we are allowed to offer legal advice so I can only say what I would do in your situation:

    1 - I would join a union as they have specialist advisors on employment law and can help with advice and support. I would also find a local employment lawyer and have their contact details to hand. It may be worth registering in case I need to give the company my lawyers details in the event of things going sideways.

    2 - I would insist on any performance review notes to include the factors I discussed with my manager, however sensitive they are, as these would be important if it ever goes to a legal case.

    3 - I would keep all communication relating to this written only. If my manager insisted on it being verbal then I would write the meeting points up and send it to them afterwards and ask them to confirm that this was what was discussed. I would insist on it so they would realise that I intend to get litigious on them if they mess up. If the manager starts to ask why then tell them you want to have everything recorded in case you need to escallate it - this should be a real wake up call for them.

    4 - I would contact the human resources / people team and ask for their advice. It is worth noting that their job is to protect the company, not the employees so it would be for the "official line" approach only. I would never expect real help from them as their job would be to defend against me suing the company.

    5 - most importanty I would realise that my manager now has me in their sights for dismissal and would start job hunting. I've been here several times before and been witness to many more - once the manager develops this "dislike" then they have a load of ways to make life unbearable for me which are very hard to protect against. It sucks but it is reality.

    6 - I would keep copies of all correspondance in my personal email in case I get cut off from access to corporate email.

    Sorry to bring this news but once you start to experience this discrimination then defending against it is incredibly difficult and even if you do win it marks you as a problem employee in the managements eyes.

    If you don't already have a psychotherapist then I would heartily recommend engaging with one who has experience in helping autistic people. They will be the best support mechanism as they understand how your mind works in these situations as well as how your autism influences it.

    So if you have any bandwidth then start learning that new skill to change career a bit, find a job that is a better fit / better conditions and use the therapy to make yourself more resilient and happier in future.

    Good luck.

  • in reply to Iain

    While HR protect the company this is not necessarily the same as protecting the manager, who can and do make errors.

    This is why I mentioned HR may be on Azq's side.

    I have seen it happen a number of times. Managers over step the boundaries, sometimes unintentionally, sometimes not.

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  • in reply to Iain

    While HR protect the company this is not necessarily the same as protecting the manager, who can and do make errors.

    This is why I mentioned HR may be on Azq's side.

    I have seen it happen a number of times. Managers over step the boundaries, sometimes unintentionally, sometimes not.

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