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Unwanted longing for companionship

Deleted User

First, no negative, cynical or put-down comments, please.

For the most part, I am accustomed to my own company and just keeping myself busy to pass the time, but sometimes there is a sort of longing for a significant other, though I have accepted I wouldn't have the right stuff to make it happen (money, own vehicle, job, social connections, etc.) and I ignore and quash those feelings by keeping busy.

Parents

  • I've had three relationships as an adult. The only one that had longevity was with the mother of my kids, who has since been diagnosed as autistic. The others I ran away from because I had no idea what I was doing. 

    I was late diagnosed and I've found that it's taking time to undo the expectations I put on myself to adhere to social norms around this stuff. Just like I can occasionally beat myself up for not masking, I can beat myself up for not doing neurotypical relationships (any of them). 

    I do get the yearning, but then my brain starts creating an autistic structure to that...scheduled meet ups, an agenda for the conversations, time limits to meet ups agreed in advance etc which always makes me laugh.

    I've slowly come to accept some realities, like the toll of living with someone just isn't worth the possible benefits, amongst other things. Slowly I've found a way to create environment that offers me the most peace. Doesn't mean I don't get the occasional yearning. 

    I don't think our 'comfort zone' is the same as neurotypicals re; relationships, how could it be? We are literally wired differently. You mentioned the word connections, that's why I decided to try out this online community, to see how it felt to connect with other autistic people. Perhaps hanging around here will give you a chance to work out what kind of connections give you what you need.

    Also, I thought you were really brave to be so honest.

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  • I've had three relationships as an adult. The only one that had longevity was with the mother of my kids, who has since been diagnosed as autistic. The others I ran away from because I had no idea what I was doing. 

    I was late diagnosed and I've found that it's taking time to undo the expectations I put on myself to adhere to social norms around this stuff. Just like I can occasionally beat myself up for not masking, I can beat myself up for not doing neurotypical relationships (any of them). 

    I do get the yearning, but then my brain starts creating an autistic structure to that...scheduled meet ups, an agenda for the conversations, time limits to meet ups agreed in advance etc which always makes me laugh.

    I've slowly come to accept some realities, like the toll of living with someone just isn't worth the possible benefits, amongst other things. Slowly I've found a way to create environment that offers me the most peace. Doesn't mean I don't get the occasional yearning. 

    I don't think our 'comfort zone' is the same as neurotypicals re; relationships, how could it be? We are literally wired differently. You mentioned the word connections, that's why I decided to try out this online community, to see how it felt to connect with other autistic people. Perhaps hanging around here will give you a chance to work out what kind of connections give you what you need.

    Also, I thought you were really brave to be so honest.

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