One day I want to escape

I can't stand towns and cities. I live in a village. If you have a partner it is a nice place to live, but meeting someone special is hard. You will at least know your neighbours though.

You need to be more careful about isolating yourself as it becomes easy to hide. I did for 20 years.

But it is peaceful and I hear the birds, the church bells and see more nature.

How did you stop hiding? I hide bc its where I feel safe and my nervous system can rest. Also because I dont have a spouse-was never married so no immediate family...at 52 y/o I am alone bc of that no matter where I go and reaching out to try and make connections more often than not leaves me feeling even more lonely bc I never feel I can quite connect the way people want me to.

I have been somewhat reclusive for a long time, frequently going home on Friday and not opening the front door till Monday morning. I just went to work, where I was either stressed or travelled a lot which was even more stressful. So living somewhere quiet was good.

But since COVID with few people going to work, it is too quiet and I had stopped travelling. Last year I realised I had done nothing but work, sleep, eat, no takeaways I cook each day, no trips, no pub, no coffee shop, I also got no vitamin D as I didn't go outside.

I decided this was too isolated and there were other issues. So I decided to see what was up in Jan and ended up with a psychologist who suggested autism. Hence I am here. I may have a diagnosis in 3 weeks, we'll see, I think it is 50:50, I am not doing a quick 90 min phone call, but something much more rigorous than some I have read about, a positive outcome should be beyond reproach. I have some money. This is not the path I thought I would be following before Christmas.

In parallel I decided to go to the local pub to eat out at least once a week. I also decided to go to the local coffee shop on Sat and Sun lunchtimes. I don't speak much, but it gets me out. I have walked past them and wanted to go in for years, but couldn't actually go in as they were new.

Once visiting once it then becomes easy and I know the staff now. I used to spend a lot of time in pubs so don't find them intimidating even on my own. I stupidly stopped going 25 years ago and drank at home, which was cheaper but is too antisocial. I think people may think me a bit strange, but I don't care much.

I also talked to a couple of people down my road I have known for years. I only ever used to say hello or good morning, but actually took the time to talk to them. I watched some relationship vids on YouTube and realised you need to share something of yourself. You need to be a little bit vulnerable to create an emotional bond and have more meaningful conversations. Just interrogating the other person or talking about impersonal subjects without offering anything does not work, you just end up with casual acquaintances.

So I have taken some steps but it is a work in progress.

I learnt how to operate in formal work settings years ago, so I am not working from nothing. When I was 20 I couldn't talk to anyone without a beer or two in me.

I have been somewhat reclusive for a long time, frequently going home on Friday and not opening the front door till Monday morning. I just went to work, where I was either stressed or travelled a lot which was even more stressful. So living somewhere quiet was good.

But since COVID with few people going to work, it is too quiet and I had stopped travelling. Last year I realised I had done nothing but work, sleep, eat, no takeaways I cook each day, no trips, no pub, no coffee shop, I also got no vitamin D as I didn't go outside.

I decided this was too isolated and there were other issues. So I decided to see what was up in Jan and ended up with a psychologist who suggested autism. Hence I am here. I may have a diagnosis in 3 weeks, we'll see, I think it is 50:50, I am not doing a quick 90 min phone call, but something much more rigorous than some I have read about, a positive outcome should be beyond reproach. I have some money. This is not the path I thought I would be following before Christmas.

In parallel I decided to go to the local pub to eat out at least once a week. I also decided to go to the local coffee shop on Sat and Sun lunchtimes. I don't speak much, but it gets me out. I have walked past them and wanted to go in for years, but couldn't actually go in as they were new.

Once visiting once it then becomes easy and I know the staff now. I used to spend a lot of time in pubs so don't find them intimidating even on my own. I stupidly stopped going 25 years ago and drank at home, which was cheaper but is too antisocial. I think people may think me a bit strange, but I don't care much.

I also talked to a couple of people down my road I have known for years. I only ever used to say hello or good morning, but actually took the time to talk to them. I watched some relationship vids on YouTube and realised you need to share something of yourself. You need to be a little bit vulnerable to create an emotional bond and have more meaningful conversations. Just interrogating the other person or talking about impersonal subjects without offering anything does not work, you just end up with casual acquaintances.

So I have taken some steps but it is a work in progress.

I learnt how to operate in formal work settings years ago, so I am not working from nothing. When I was 20 I couldn't talk to anyone without a beer or two in me.

This is so interesting Stuart. It’s never too late to start trying to connect with people a bit more and become less isolated - this is something myself, my husband and my son all feel we need to try to do something similar because we are too isolated and what to change this (I especially want this for my son). Your steps to doing this sound like great ideas - thanks for sharing how you’ve approached this.