One day I want to escape

You know I lived in newcastle for a while. Lovely city but when I moved there I knew no one. I was so lonely I was driving 2 hours to visit my home town every weekend. I remember after work I would go wandering through the shoping center in town just for the company of other shopers. A crowed of strangers was better than a small flat on my own. in a country house on my own I'd probably go crazy.

I can't live if life is just eat, sleep, work, repleat. I need to get out and do things ... especially if I can't spent time with friends / family.

I loved your description of rural life. I live in  village and love being able to get out on to the moors and away from people. Not sure about sheep proof fencing, is there such a thing? They always seem to find a gap no matter how hard you try! I drive a classic Land Rover and have to explain to people about such things as steep hills and snow and why I might be late for a meeting in the city.

Not any more I've been out of that world for a long time now, I have looked from time to time, but many of the retreat places seem to be based on a particular religion or spiritual belief, they're also very expensive. There seem to be few places that are about exploring your spirituality and many seem to have set programs. I'd love to do a silent retreat again, but I don't want to one based on a single practice, I can't do yoga anymore which many of them seem to insist on you doing. 

I didn’t know this. Do you know of any good alternatives? 

What you describe is how I felt watching Long Way Round as they travelled mongolia or other travel programmes crossing remote places.

It sounds silly, but recently taking my lawn and turning into a veg garden has been so rewarding. I could in theory undo it at any time, and the housing haven't yet complained. It is so much more beautiful than it ever was. I have hundred of different plant species, get loads of birds, frogs, newts, and even recently a hedgehog.

Unfortunately, dreams of having a smallholding in the country where I can be the reclusive writer I was born to be are easily dashed when I consider that the country often isn't well equipped. I get my food shop delivered by a supermarket, and many supermarkets don't have extensive deliveries in rural areas. Then there's trains on which to travel on the rare occasions I want to visit friends. And finally, the money. Often this is the major problem. Rural areas have been taken up by a lot of rich folks.

There are people that manage it. I LOVE watching Roaming Wild Rosie, and Nelferch on Youtube. The former has a cabin in Sweden and the later a farm in England. I expect though the realities of their lives don't tend to get shown quite as much on their youtube channels.

Still, it's a lovely dream, and for anyone who has that dream I sincerely hope they find way of achieving them.

My goal is to move to Sweden. Less dense population and lots of beautiful nature (at least in comparison to the town I‘m living in here in Germany… The next National Park is the Harz and it‘s rather unhealthy at the moment. Additionally there are far too many people visiting it most of the time.) We travel to Sweden every year (sometimes multiple times a year) and I‘m instantly feeling more relaxed when we get there. Of course it is something different when you’re on vacation, but the absence of constant noise alone is so magical. There are days where I don‘t have to see anybody while there. Property there is also a bit more affordable. I also love the language!

I prefer the countryside, my family lives in a rural area, i always enjoy staying there for a bit when i visit on occasion, i like the peace and quiet, good time to reflect on things. i hate the urban sprawl, especially in big cities or towns. i like to blend in, so i don't think i would like a small community, unless its people that are more understanding if its a tight knit one, unless you just keep to yourself most of the time. i would prefer a quieter more rural area to live in, have to make do for now though.

Findhorn isn't what it once was, I dont' know what it's like now, but it used to be known as the "F" word among other retreats in Scotland. I think they've stopped offering a lot of the courses and programs they used to do and maybe thats not a bad thing as they were very expensive and many of the people I met from there quite patronising and demanding. I t was a great idea when it started, but I think it became a victim of it's own success and moved away from it's core.

Australia has plenty of country side! 

Geographic Cures didn't work; for me. Ultimately, the area where I grew up was where I was meant to be; all along.

Our insides NEVER match up to the outsides of others. The grass may be greener elsewhere, but it's fertilised with the same ***!

This is so interesting Stuart. It’s never too late to start trying to connect with people a bit more and become less isolated - this is something myself, my husband and my son all feel we need to try to do something similar because we are too isolated and what to change this (I especially want this for my son). Your steps to doing this sound like great ideas - thanks for sharing how you’ve approached this.

I love your description - it’s a very vivid description of the reality - as opposed to what we might imagine. Most things has upsides and downsides - and it’s really helpful to speak to people with real lived experience to get a full understanding of what you might be letting yourself in for. Do your research basically. I think what I intend to prioritise when I next move is peace and quiet, but also a measure of convenience as I won’t always be able to drive and I don’t want to feel marooned somewhere. But they’ll inevitably be some compromise wherever you live.

Have you heard of the Findhorn Community in Scotland?

I have been somewhat reclusive for a long time, frequently going home on Friday and not opening the front door till Monday morning. I just went to work, where I was either stressed or travelled a lot which was even more stressful. So living somewhere quiet was good.

But since COVID with few people going to work, it is too quiet and I had stopped travelling. Last year I realised I had done nothing but work, sleep, eat, no takeaways I cook each day, no trips, no pub, no coffee shop, I also got no vitamin D as I didn't go outside.

I decided this was too isolated and there were other issues. So I decided to see what was up in Jan and ended up with a psychologist who suggested autism. Hence I am here. I may have a diagnosis in 3 weeks, we'll see, I think it is 50:50, I am not doing a quick 90 min phone call, but something much more rigorous than some I have read about, a positive outcome should be beyond reproach. I have some money. This is not the path I thought I would be following before Christmas.

In parallel I decided to go to the local pub to eat out at least once a week. I also decided to go to the local coffee shop on Sat and Sun lunchtimes. I don't speak much, but it gets me out. I have walked past them and wanted to go in for years, but couldn't actually go in as they were new.

Once visiting once it then becomes easy and I know the staff now. I used to spend a lot of time in pubs so don't find them intimidating even on my own. I stupidly stopped going 25 years ago and drank at home, which was cheaper but is too antisocial. I think people may think me a bit strange, but I don't care much.

I also talked to a couple of people down my road I have known for years. I only ever used to say hello or good morning, but actually took the time to talk to them. I watched some relationship vids on YouTube and realised you need to share something of yourself. You need to be a little bit vulnerable to create an emotional bond and have more meaningful conversations. Just interrogating the other person or talking about impersonal subjects without offering anything does not work, you just end up with casual acquaintances.

So I have taken some steps but it is a work in progress.

I learnt how to operate in formal work settings years ago, so I am not working from nothing. When I was 20 I couldn't talk to anyone without a beer or two in me.

Today I had to drive up to Ayr for a work thing, I decided to take the coastal route which added almost two hours to the journey. It was glorious, the views of the solway were wonderful but at some point we took the wrong turn and ended up cutting across the national forrest, I've never seen so many shades of green, they seemed to almost change from minute to minute. The good weather certainly helped as single track roads in the rain and gloom came be interesting to traverse.

We went through the a few pretty villages and had the odd house dotted around the magnificent landscape. I could certainly settle up there.

Much as I would love to escape permanently to the countryside (and, once upon a time, seriously considered a cottage on Skye – what a mistake that would have been given their current tourist problems), I need the convenience of city living, specifically proximity to a good hospital, easy access to a GP who can usually see me within 48 hours, and (not so easy) access to an NHS dentist. I also appreciate access to a decent university library and the convenience of full-fibre broadband. So, for me, rural life remains a pleasant dream.

I remember as a kid my parents used to take us on holiday most years to a fairly developed costal town.  We loved it. Yet every now and again mum would get it in her head to take us to the countryside on holiday.

Me and my brother hated it with nothing to do. We would pester dad and mum to drive us to a local city. For me it's the countryside you'd want to escape from.

How did you stop hiding? I hide bc its where I feel safe and my nervous system can rest. Also because I dont have a spouse-was never married so no immediate family...at 52 y/o I am alone bc of that no matter where I go and reaching out to try and make connections more often than not leaves me feeling even more lonely bc I never feel I can quite connect the way people want me to.

How did you stop hiding? I hide bc its where I feel safe and my nervous system can rest. Also because I dont have a spouse-was never married so no immediate family...at 52 y/o I am alone bc of that no matter where I go and reaching out to try and make connections more often than not leaves me feeling even more lonely bc I never feel I can quite connect the way people want me to.

I've just seen to many people come to grief when the reality of country life comes home, it's great in the summer, but winter can be a very different story and one that can lead to a lot of unhappiness. When live intimately with the landscape it reflects back at you and if whats going on inside your head is uncomfortable then thats what will be reflected and magnified back at you and theres none of the usual escape routes like cinema or driving to the countryside for a walk!