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Regular "feeling lonely" day

pdaddio83

I said once before here that I can go for periods where things feel fine, then suddenly my mood just shifts to the other end of the scale and I feel really unhappy and lonely. Today is one of those days where I'm in that mood.

I feel tired because I didn't sleep well last night. I didn't sleep well probably because I was stewing and overthinking over a small argument with my wife over how I reprimanded our daughter (also autistic, so plenty of opportunities where we clash sometimes). Despite what I thought was logical, it was apparently the "wrong" way to handle the situation - and my wife was right really, I did not react how a parent should. So staying awake thinking it isn't fair on me but also agreeing that I don't do things right too, head going round in circles. I also didn't then get a chance to do one of my activities that keeps me happy, it was too late at night to start anything, so got low motivation today.

That results in a day where I feel really down, isolated and lonely because I don't feel like I fit in, even with my own family at the moment. Everything I saw today also irritated me further, reminding me that I just don't seem to belong anywhere - people talking in their groups at work except me, walking through town during my lunchbreak painfully aware I just look weird compared to everyone else, anything I read today mentioning the word "friends" etc. I even saw one of my real friends today at the shops sorting his bike out, he didn't see me though. I could have walked over and said hello, but I didn't because I wasn't in the mood - though I'm thinking I should have done really.

I'm trying to remind myself this will pass like always, it's a struggle though. I'm going to try and do something that interests me - I want to start some creative writing as a new hobby, but I can't get motivated or find enough focus time to do it, which keeps putting me off. Instead I'll catch up with all my TV programmes I'm lagging behind with - my wife has gone to bed early, so although I am still physically alone, at least I'll be doing something where I don't feel like I'm being judged.

This is another rambling post, I'm really sorry. I do feel like it helps writing it all down, even if no-one replied back - I wouldn't blame you!

Parents

  • Hey man, I feel for you. I have a daughter who my wife and I suspect is Autistic ,and I sometimes wonder if I'm too harsh with her or maybe a bit distant/cold? My wife is ADHD and it's an interesting blend in parenting and one that works for us - she understands me and I understand her. Don't get me wrong, there are occasions where I'm told I've handled something wrong and I try to explain where I was coming from (the explanation doesn't always come across the way I want it to). I often accept her point of view as I know I can misread the situation. Most of the frustrations come when I'm trying to get our daughter to a club/hobby by a certain time. I want to leave at a very specific time and she takes AGES getting ready ("fannying about" is what my wife calls it). Invariably, we'd be late leaving (despite still being early) and I'd get short with her during to feeling awful about not getting out by the time set in my head. My wife used to tell me that it "wasn't the end of the world", which didn't help. She now understands and joins me in cajoling our daughter by explaining that Daddy worries about time, so she needs to help me. That actually does help.

    I find just spending some time in the shower helps settle my brain (the noise is really calming). I also game on my PC with my best mate and that routine helps me de-stress from the day. My wife understands the importance of these and is really supportive.

    It was really interesting to read about you going round in circles with it in your head. I've struggled with that aspect all my life and find myself playing our scenarios of conversations in my head. During tough times those made-up conversations always turned bad and I would get worked up and fixated on them, unable to clear them from my head. It's really nice to know that someone else has had those moments too, so I really thank you for sharing that.

Reply

  • Hey man, I feel for you. I have a daughter who my wife and I suspect is Autistic ,and I sometimes wonder if I'm too harsh with her or maybe a bit distant/cold? My wife is ADHD and it's an interesting blend in parenting and one that works for us - she understands me and I understand her. Don't get me wrong, there are occasions where I'm told I've handled something wrong and I try to explain where I was coming from (the explanation doesn't always come across the way I want it to). I often accept her point of view as I know I can misread the situation. Most of the frustrations come when I'm trying to get our daughter to a club/hobby by a certain time. I want to leave at a very specific time and she takes AGES getting ready ("fannying about" is what my wife calls it). Invariably, we'd be late leaving (despite still being early) and I'd get short with her during to feeling awful about not getting out by the time set in my head. My wife used to tell me that it "wasn't the end of the world", which didn't help. She now understands and joins me in cajoling our daughter by explaining that Daddy worries about time, so she needs to help me. That actually does help.

    I find just spending some time in the shower helps settle my brain (the noise is really calming). I also game on my PC with my best mate and that routine helps me de-stress from the day. My wife understands the importance of these and is really supportive.

    It was really interesting to read about you going round in circles with it in your head. I've struggled with that aspect all my life and find myself playing our scenarios of conversations in my head. During tough times those made-up conversations always turned bad and I would get worked up and fixated on them, unable to clear them from my head. It's really nice to know that someone else has had those moments too, so I really thank you for sharing that.

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