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Why are you such a @#*%#*#!? Autism

Gordon-not-Ramsay

Why am I finding it hard to convince people that what I do is down to autism? Let me set up a scenario...

Me and my wife are splitting up, but one of the boys had a birthday coming up and i was skint. I wanted to get him a present and a card. I asked her for some money and she obliged. I picked up some fun items, something silly, a book he wanted to complete the set, a card and a gift bag to put them all in. I write the card out "from Dad", because, after all. we aren't together anymore.

I gave him the bag and he opened the card. He showed it to his mum, who went ballistic because i didn't write it out to both of us. She hadnt managed to get a card for him herself, of which i wasn't aware (she even give him cash to get what he wanted that i wasn't aware of either).

Much later, my partner asked why I wrote the card out just from me, but says, "and don't you dare say autism!"

Who is to blame here? Is anyone to blame? Is having autism a good excuse, assuming i misunderstood the circumstances and was not aware of what had already been arranged?

Parents

  • To be honest, cards are one of those things that loads of people seem to get wrong. I've done the same thing before (albeit different situation) with not putting someone's name on. Although, I was taught not assume anything, so I don't assume people will have put my name on a card. Lots of people do assume these things, it isn't really about blame. I'd say it's more about people's reactions to it. 

    Also, autism might help explain why someone did something the way they did, but maybe saying it's an excuse is the wrong way to look at it. Excuse implies that even if someone did something 'wrong' that they don't have to take accountability for it. Saying that, not signing a card a certain way doesn't seem like a big deal, but someone else's feelings have been hurt so that's important to acknowledge, even if you aren't to blame, and perhaps lessons will be learned about assuming things too Smile

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  • To be honest, cards are one of those things that loads of people seem to get wrong. I've done the same thing before (albeit different situation) with not putting someone's name on. Although, I was taught not assume anything, so I don't assume people will have put my name on a card. Lots of people do assume these things, it isn't really about blame. I'd say it's more about people's reactions to it. 

    Also, autism might help explain why someone did something the way they did, but maybe saying it's an excuse is the wrong way to look at it. Excuse implies that even if someone did something 'wrong' that they don't have to take accountability for it. Saying that, not signing a card a certain way doesn't seem like a big deal, but someone else's feelings have been hurt so that's important to acknowledge, even if you aren't to blame, and perhaps lessons will be learned about assuming things too Smile

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