How do I become a man at 36

I'd be concerned about watching videos on masculinity posted by men, especially if you're looking for a female partner.

So many men get drawn to these manosphere spaces and are told 'what women want' and 'how to be a man' when it couldn't be further from the facts. Most of these man coaches are only interested in impressing other men, and often give bad advice encouraging men to treat women as conquests, property and arm candy.

I'd advise caution and if you really want to know what women's idea of healthy masculinity is then my best advice would be to ask women. Start with honesty, compassion, empathy, loyalty and a solid understanding of consent and respect. 

In light of those complications I want to say that I want to change how people see me, instead of an ugly, hollow, boring loser I want them to see me as a three dimensional man capable of more than the most superficial and awkward of acquaintances forgotten as soon as I leave.  I'm not so attached to heterosexuality and if there are more compatible people who aren't female or cis then I'll take it.

There's something very special about a person who is comfortable in who they are and what they like, instead of someone who's trying to be what they think others want.

If you enjoy Lego then keep the Lego. If you enjoy dressing a certain way then dress that way and own your style. The people who appreciate those things will be drawn to you. It's better than changing yourself to suit other people and possibly attracting those people who you either won't get on with long term, or who will see that it's not who you really are and will leave.

Get comfortable with you first. You don't have to conform.

Unknown said:

people don't believe I am autistic but just lazy and irresponsible.

This does seem a common response from neurotypicals when they see autists who stay so much in their comfort zones

I can understand why they think this as they lack out lived experience and do not see the pain they so much of their environments cause us.

It sounds like you are set on persuing this so I would ask what do you plan to do? Do you plan on becoming interesting to others or use your existing views / knowledge and personality to come across as such?

I've experimented in doing this a few times without knowing I was autistic and the results are always way short of what I hoped to achieve. Having things to talk about is only part of the experience for NTs and they also weigh heavily how you interact with them and this is typically one of our biggest weaknesses.

In my experience this approach is doomed to failure so I used an approach of being useful (source of knowledge on all things technical, mechanical and practical) and from finding areas of shared interest was able to build friendships through the years.

When there is already a reason for people to interact with you then there is less emphasis on the way you do so, leading to more likelihood they will see past our social stumblings.

There is always a big price to pay for all the masking / scriting this approach uses so you need to have ways to recharge and by ditching so many of your hobbies you will do away with these and it will leave you with less possibility to recover.

In your shoes I would study social interactions and learn how to make small talk. Practice these skills during your volunteering and try to go to events around your special interest to put these skills to use.

Don't try to do it all at once - just speak to people and see if you can get a feel for how things work best and build slowly from there. Don't go searching for friendships straight away, just make acquantancies and build your confidence.

I've always seem the knowledge of the interactions as a special interest and been able to use it to understand the unspoken responses - this I can recommend as it lets you know when to back off and not make a fool of yourself.

Neuroqueer is right about the importance of understanding yourself and feeling comfortably with yourself. Trying to be someone you are not is going to make you seem fake very easily so it is much better to be yourself and slowly improve on it, improving your self understanding as you go.

Unknown said:

people don't believe I am autistic but just lazy and irresponsible.

This does seem a common response from neurotypicals when they see autists who stay so much in their comfort zones

I can understand why they think this as they lack out lived experience and do not see the pain they so much of their environments cause us.

It sounds like you are set on persuing this so I would ask what do you plan to do? Do you plan on becoming interesting to others or use your existing views / knowledge and personality to come across as such?

I've experimented in doing this a few times without knowing I was autistic and the results are always way short of what I hoped to achieve. Having things to talk about is only part of the experience for NTs and they also weigh heavily how you interact with them and this is typically one of our biggest weaknesses.

In my experience this approach is doomed to failure so I used an approach of being useful (source of knowledge on all things technical, mechanical and practical) and from finding areas of shared interest was able to build friendships through the years.

When there is already a reason for people to interact with you then there is less emphasis on the way you do so, leading to more likelihood they will see past our social stumblings.

There is always a big price to pay for all the masking / scriting this approach uses so you need to have ways to recharge and by ditching so many of your hobbies you will do away with these and it will leave you with less possibility to recover.

In your shoes I would study social interactions and learn how to make small talk. Practice these skills during your volunteering and try to go to events around your special interest to put these skills to use.

Don't try to do it all at once - just speak to people and see if you can get a feel for how things work best and build slowly from there. Don't go searching for friendships straight away, just make acquantancies and build your confidence.

I've always seem the knowledge of the interactions as a special interest and been able to use it to understand the unspoken responses - this I can recommend as it lets you know when to back off and not make a fool of yourself.

Neuroqueer is right about the importance of understanding yourself and feeling comfortably with yourself. Trying to be someone you are not is going to make you seem fake very easily so it is much better to be yourself and slowly improve on it, improving your self understanding as you go.