I have written here before (I am definitely not autistic, by the way) but I am still struggling with a problem. My friend of 50 years self-diagnosed a few years ago, since when she has stopped masking and it has become obvious that she is indeed autistic. It means that when she behaves in a way that affects me and which I find difficult/infuriating/embarrassing/stressful and I try to explain, she is bewildered, doesn't understand, or just states "it's because I'm autistic" so her needs always come first. For instance, she is very particular about where to sit in a restaurant which I understand, but we may end up with me facing a wall which I find very claustrophobic and uncomfortable. That's a really tiny example. But the result is that I'm in a permanent state of suppressed rage with her, and (being autistic) she senses this and questions me. If I try and explain, it's back to either bewilderment or "it's because I'm autistic" therefore can't behave any other way – or "but you do such-and-such, you're not always perfect" which is true but not the point!
I am truly at a loss. I feel like walking away from our long long friendship. I feel I have lost my friend so I am grieving as well as angry.