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Emotional connection

Kenny_1622

This will have been talked about many times but does everyone with ASD struggle with emotional connection? I find it really easy to disconnect emotionally and can be really cold with people and situations which have are emotional. I do have emotions and I do care about things but I can switch off emotionally and not consider the emotional needs of others without thinking anything bad about it, but feel bad about it when challenged. I have ASD and I'm married, my wife has told me she might be married but she is lonely because I'm not always emotionally supportive which makes me feel bad but I know I'll keep doing it and not realise I'm doing it. I've been emotionally disconnected since I was a young boy were from the age of 10 i refused to sit in the same room with my mum and let her physically connection with me because of triggers, so would isolate in my bedroom. The last time I touch my mum was when she died because I knew she couldn't touch me back, we didn't have information on ASD  in the 70's, 80's and 90's. Now I'm a 55 year old man diagnosed with ASD. Is emotional disconnection  common with ASD ?

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  • I’m the opposite really, I do feel a lot of emotional connection with people and animals and places etc. Having said that I don’t like physical touch with anyone other than my very closest family. My mum and dad were not tactile with us (their children) at all and so I was never comfortable with touching them - in fact I had a real aversion to touching my dad especially, or even being around him. But that was probably also because he was emotionally/psychologically abusive towards me as well. They’re both dead now. I think it’s sad that your wife says she feels lonely, I wonder if you both could find ways to improve that situation? It would be worth working on I imagine. At the same time it’s important that you don’t feel guilty about how you essentially are - because we can’t force ourselves to feel things we just don’t feel. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    I've worked work about 5 therapists to try and improve the situation with my wife. Some of it has worked and help but still lots of work 2 do. I agree you can't force yourself to feel or do things we don't like, I don't like being touch especially on my back and especially by an index finger I'm also triggered by an index finger pointing or being used by me which can cause me to self harm, I don't thing I'll ever be able to get passed all that so that will be a constant struggle between me and my wife. One relieve is communication and trust which I get through her help and support, this helps to support my triggers a little. I never had that with my mum which cause the permanent breakdown in our relationship. I will always try and find ways to improve the situation with my wife as thankfully she is very supportive, I'm so lucky that way 

  • in reply to Kenny_1622

    It’s clear that you and your wife are working hard together to find solutions and that reflects well on your relationship. There’s obviously a lot that is really good between you and a lot to be grateful for. No relationship is perfect. 

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