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What makes you feel autistic

Deleted User

Since self diagnosing 3 years ago I've started to notice things more 'in the moment' that make me realise that I'm autistic.

Today I had arranged to go to a football game with my gf and her 2 boys. Her youngest boy plays in a kids football team and they're flag bearing at a League 1 game today. I was asked if I'd like to go along as we'd not been to a football game together yet and even though it wasn't our team it seemed like a nice idea. 

I was told that we'd need to be there for 11.30am so I assumed it was an early 12pm kickoff. I got picked up at 10.30ish as planned and we got there around 11.30am. The surrounding area was very quiet which seemed odd for a game that should've been starting in 30 minutes, so I asked my gf if it was a 12pm kickoff. She said, "No, it's 3pm, and there's a tour of the ground etc beforehand."

Cue sudden change to plans and pre-meltdown rumble....

I hadn't prepared myself for a full day out and had already worked out in my head that if it was a 12pm kick-off I'd be able to get home around 4pm latest which would give me time to recover from any overwhelm and also get some work done before a 9pm bedtime. 

Now it seemed that I'd have to add in another 3 hours masking and potential small talk with people I didn't know, plus the sensory overstimulation of the game I'd prepared for, and having no time to do any work when I got home around 7pm and possibly risking shutdown the following day due to exhaustion.

I communicated this to my partner who is always really understanding as we're both autistic and she felt awful that she hadn't communicated this fully to me beforehand, and I felt awful that I was causing a problem but there's no way I could stay without it completely wasting me for 1-2 days after. Luckily she was able to drop me back home and was happy that we could spend some time in the car chatting instead of her having to mask and small talk for a while too. Her boys were happy playing with their team in the mean time and it's a very supportive club so parents will watch all kids if other parents are busy etc.

Luckily a full meltdown was averted and I'm grateful that I was able to recognise the early signs, but it's things like this that make me realise just how autistic I am and how much more in tune with my feelings I need to be simply to function and avoid a system shutdown. I also feel very lucky that I have such an understanding and supportive partner, and she kept reminding me that if the roles were reversed that I'd have done exactly the same for her, which I absolutely would and have done in the past when she's needed support.

Can anyone relate to this, and have you ever felt a meltdown coming on that you were able to avoid or 'catch in time' before it fully took hold and ruined your day?

Parents

  • I get hyper focused on my special interests to the point I'm in my own head more than out in the real world. It also means I don't find most people's conversation very interesting and generally can't connect with what people seem to talk about and find interesting. I mask but I can only maintain that for a few days around someone before it drains me and I end up back inside my own mind and outwardly seeming shut down. People then take offence or generally find me awkward to be around as I'm too quiet for them even though I am always polite. 

    I struggle making any real connections with people except the odd neuro diverse person I may meet and then I tend to really connect and come alive around them. They get me and I get them. But that's pretty rare. 

    Never been able to maintain a long term relationship or job. 

    Enjoy my own company 90% of the time

    Getting consumed by my hobbies and interests and having little interest in anything else. 

    I love fiddling with the seems of my trousers between my fingers and thumb. Literally hours and hours doing it to the point it wears away the bottoms of my trousers and makes my hands ache. For some reason it's so satisfying. 

    Very under stimulated by normal life. Having to do extreme things every month or so to recharge my batteries. Having little interest in what regular people seem to talk about and find interesting. Being totally inept at small talk. 

    I keep my phone on silent as I hate things beeping at me and people bothering me when I'm not prepared. 

    Hating public transport and crowded places. 

    Till I was about 13 I would always imagine myself as someone else and never actually myself. One week I'd imagine I was Pater Venkman, the next Starscream etc. it wasn't just playing. It was every second of the day, every day, every week, every year till I was 13. 

    Need 2 or 3 week time outs from people which makes it hard to form real bonds or work with other people. 

Reply

  • I get hyper focused on my special interests to the point I'm in my own head more than out in the real world. It also means I don't find most people's conversation very interesting and generally can't connect with what people seem to talk about and find interesting. I mask but I can only maintain that for a few days around someone before it drains me and I end up back inside my own mind and outwardly seeming shut down. People then take offence or generally find me awkward to be around as I'm too quiet for them even though I am always polite. 

    I struggle making any real connections with people except the odd neuro diverse person I may meet and then I tend to really connect and come alive around them. They get me and I get them. But that's pretty rare. 

    Never been able to maintain a long term relationship or job. 

    Enjoy my own company 90% of the time

    Getting consumed by my hobbies and interests and having little interest in anything else. 

    I love fiddling with the seems of my trousers between my fingers and thumb. Literally hours and hours doing it to the point it wears away the bottoms of my trousers and makes my hands ache. For some reason it's so satisfying. 

    Very under stimulated by normal life. Having to do extreme things every month or so to recharge my batteries. Having little interest in what regular people seem to talk about and find interesting. Being totally inept at small talk. 

    I keep my phone on silent as I hate things beeping at me and people bothering me when I'm not prepared. 

    Hating public transport and crowded places. 

    Till I was about 13 I would always imagine myself as someone else and never actually myself. One week I'd imagine I was Pater Venkman, the next Starscream etc. it wasn't just playing. It was every second of the day, every day, every week, every year till I was 13. 

    Need 2 or 3 week time outs from people which makes it hard to form real bonds or work with other people. 

Children
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