What makes you feel autistic

Since self diagnosing 3 years ago I've started to notice things more 'in the moment' that make me realise that I'm autistic.

Today I had arranged to go to a football game with my gf and her 2 boys. Her youngest boy plays in a kids football team and they're flag bearing at a League 1 game today. I was asked if I'd like to go along as we'd not been to a football game together yet and even though it wasn't our team it seemed like a nice idea. 

I was told that we'd need to be there for 11.30am so I assumed it was an early 12pm kickoff. I got picked up at 10.30ish as planned and we got there around 11.30am. The surrounding area was very quiet which seemed odd for a game that should've been starting in 30 minutes, so I asked my gf if it was a 12pm kickoff. She said, "No, it's 3pm, and there's a tour of the ground etc beforehand."

Cue sudden change to plans and pre-meltdown rumble....

I hadn't prepared myself for a full day out and had already worked out in my head that if it was a 12pm kick-off I'd be able to get home around 4pm latest which would give me time to recover from any overwhelm and also get some work done before a 9pm bedtime. 

Now it seemed that I'd have to add in another 3 hours masking and potential small talk with people I didn't know, plus the sensory overstimulation of the game I'd prepared for, and having no time to do any work when I got home around 7pm and possibly risking shutdown the following day due to exhaustion.

I communicated this to my partner who is always really understanding as we're both autistic and she felt awful that she hadn't communicated this fully to me beforehand, and I felt awful that I was causing a problem but there's no way I could stay without it completely wasting me for 1-2 days after. Luckily she was able to drop me back home and was happy that we could spend some time in the car chatting instead of her having to mask and small talk for a while too. Her boys were happy playing with their team in the mean time and it's a very supportive club so parents will watch all kids if other parents are busy etc.

Luckily a full meltdown was averted and I'm grateful that I was able to recognise the early signs, but it's things like this that make me realise just how autistic I am and how much more in tune with my feelings I need to be simply to function and avoid a system shutdown. I also feel very lucky that I have such an understanding and supportive partner, and she kept reminding me that if the roles were reversed that I'd have done exactly the same for her, which I absolutely would and have done in the past when she's needed support.

Can anyone relate to this, and have you ever felt a meltdown coming on that you were able to avoid or 'catch in time' before it fully took hold and ruined your day?

Parents
  • Hi 

    I am an officially diagnosed autistic adult myself and I can honestly say I can relate so much. For me, it's things like... I always have to have every part of my day planned out even on days when I'm just at home. For example, I always have my meals at a specific set time and on Saturday night when my favourite shows are on which my parents watch with me I always have a set time to start watching but I end up getting upset or frustrated if they started watching something that goes on far too long over the time frame I had set a watch schedule for. For me, even the smallest of details of my daily schedule needs to be set and any sudden changes to that schedule leave my completely and utterly distressed. 

    Another example is that it's one of my friends birthdays soon and she had organised that whole weekend to do some partying. Now my best friend she is so lovely and very understanding, she very aware that I can get overstimulated and suffer from burnout so she said if there was at any moment during any of the days during the weekend where I start to feel I've had enough then I can just call it quits and just go home and recharge, which I appreciated very much. But now I have a slight dilemma. So, there was a set plan for the day of her actual birthday, mainly the restaurant we are going to eat and where we going to go for some karaoke. It all sounded great as it was places that were not only close to home but places/environments that I was familiar with. But just suddenly she announced out of the blue that one part of the plan had changed. The restaurant plan is still the same but now she's announced she fancied going somewhere else for karaoke... and the places she's been thinking about are places that I've never been before and that are quite a bit away from home (which makes me angry bit nervous as one of my biggests fears is long car journey home in the dark). It's making my anxiety levels spike a little. I understand that it's HER birthday and she can do whatever she wants but I am scared that if she ends up choosing a place which like I said that i am unfamiliar with and is too far from home for me to travel back once it started to get dark, that I would end up disappointing her if I said I didn't want to go Cold sweatCry

    Don't worry I'm not going to bother you by asking for advice or anything but I guess my point is I understand your struggle, I know you're pain. I do worry that things like this paint me in a negative light as that's not what I want to do as I hate the idea of accidentally offend people or something like that. Anyways thanks for sharing your story

  • And thank you for sharing yours. I can relate and it's much appreciated. Slight smile

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