Im an autistic adult early 20s and late diagnosed last year and I still live with my family and my teenage sister has recently had a baby. I already have a complicated relationship with my sister and the way my family treats her compared to me. I also have moral issues with my sister due to my sense of justice, as I know that she’s bullied a girl at school and took part in beating her up, and god knows what else. I find this really hard to forget and deal with as I constantly feel guilty and responsible for what she did.
My mum and sister are making me feel selfish and guilty for not wanting to help them with the baby. I have noise sensitivity so when he cries it really hurts my ears and irritates me, which is made worse by being kept up at night too because of the crying. I know babies cry and it’s even harder for her to deal with, but why does it have to have anything to do with me? I don’t have a baby for a reason, I don’t want to be looking after someone else’s. I have to sleep with my loop earplugs in just to try and drown out the crying. Why is it my responsibility? They wouldn’t be asking these things of me if I didn’t live with them.
It’s gotten to the point where my sister is being so rude to me and sending me passive aggressive texts about how I don’t help her and that I’m a bad sister. And she never apologises. Then expects me to help her out unnecessarily. But why should I have to help? It’s not my baby. She made the choice to keep the baby and my mum can never say no to her, so she constantly does whatever she wants without consequences or dealing with them.
On top of all of this they’re now buying a horse. My mum barely has enough time as it is, but won’t say no to my sister and refuses to admit that she has no time to deal with the baby and a horse. The only reason they have enough money for this is because of my step dad’s life insurance, and she’s guilting people saying that her ‘dead dad is paying’
This makes me even more reluctant to help them, as if they can have time and money to buy a horse, then why do they need help with the baby?? This is something I’ve had to deal with my whole life, being pushed down and guilt tripped by the two of them.
Every time I try to talk to my mum about how I feel she guilts me even more and gets all upset. They don’t understand my autism and haven’t even tried to. I’m sick of being the one that has to explain everything, when they don’t even listen. Is it so much to ask that my mum researches into autism, when she does literally everything for my sister?
Am i overthinking and overreacting? Am I being selfish? I obviously love my family and my nephew but doesn’t mean I want to be his caretaker whilst they can do whatever they want. They take advantage of the fact I’m unable to work because of my autism and anxiety, so think that I do nothing all day and can watch the baby.
