Never adjusting to change

Isadora said:

I don’t know if I want anything else

I can identify with that sentiment

Thanks for your kind words, they are appreciated & reciprocated. 

Thank you - this is very helpful, and kind. I will pick up the book, I own a collection of autism books that have guided me since my diagnosis. Some are my survival guides, couldn't get through things without them. Thanks for the links too, NAS has some good tips, I should have looked at bereavement here before.

I’m very sorry to hear about your complex PTSD. It’s been suggested I might have PTSD or BPD, not been diagnosed yet but it’s a route my current therapist wishes to trek down. We’ll see. I don’t know if I want anything else, autism, anxiety and depression are more than enough for me.

I hope you’re coping all right. I know I’m useless and rubbish at things but if you ever need to talk, always here if you need to talk about things.

The private route is one I have considered, I could afford it I had too, so it’s something I consider. But going to the GP and finding different help is also something I have thought about. I haven’t sought help directly related to grief yet, mostly because I wasn’t sure if I was suffering from grief or if it’s just autism related. The woman I’m seeing currently is helping me mostly with anxiety and depression, the losses I suffer have come up at times but I’ve struggled so much with my autism and I wanted help with this to try and cope better but she’s not been able to help me with this, so far yet. Bunny had suggested some good things, so I might stick with this therapist a while longer and see if she can help me but if not then I will approach my GP again or go private.

I know I can’t do it on my own. I’ve tried, been trying for several years now and I am no closer now than I was when I first tried changing things. Until now though I didn’t really perceive a lot of it being grief, I thought mostly it was down to autism but now I thinking about it more clearly I can see how it likely a mixture of everything all reacting at the same time.

overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U ) said:

I wish you well going forward. 

Thank you. I wish you well also and hope things improve for you.

Isadora said:

I have been seeing a therapist for some time but she's not very understanding regarding my autism so I might try and get a new therapist, one who has better knowledge on autism as I think my current is doing me more harm than good.

Before changing therapists, you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. I found it immensely helpful, as have several others here:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

You might also find these resources and their further links helpful:

NAS - Dealing with change

NAS - Bereavement

This is the second post today I am answering about change.  I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD, so I presume my problems with change are linked to that.  I spend quite a lot of time each day thinking of things in the past - and much of it isn't good.  However, the condition does tend to leave you almost in limbo - and not knowing how to move forward either - likely because you are focusing backward so often. 

It does sound that you went through significant trauma, and I am wondering if you sought professional help with it - at the time, or subsequently.  You say you don't think you've processed it yet, so maybe now is the time to start looking at addressing the issue, and possibly any other issues you are experiencing as a result of the initial trauma. 

I can't say - medically - if what you are experiencing is autism related BUT in my case having Autism doesn't help.  It tends to make me more narrow-minded when it comes to medical matters which isn't always a good thing when looking for solutions.  I do however stress that this is me - not you - and a professional opinion is the best way forward. 

Some therapists aren't the best - aren't experienced in dealing with people with ASD - so it may be an idea to try to source another.  Either privately, or via Primary Care direct (if in the UK) or via your GP.  If you specifically ask for help with bereavement counselling it might be better rather than a generic counsellor.  Please bear in mind though that therapy arranged through the NHS isn't normally Autism-specific.  The conditions they treat, and the manner they treat them are the same for all - and it can sometimes be harder for ASD people to take their therapies on board. 

I wish you well going forward.