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An Unfortunate Series of Regressions

maxlinger60

Hi, I’m new. I’m a very high masking woman with ADHD, recently diagnosed after years of being told I was “unstable” and on the excruciating path to unmasking. Started stimming more, wearing compression vests, accommodating my copious sensory issues, etc, but I’ve found that while my depression and anxiety is at an all time low, my social skills have gone to hell. I can’t look people in the eye anymore, though I never had a problem before. I’ve been fucking up friendships in a way that I haven’t since I was in primary school.
 Normally I’m one of the most socially adept people I know, but after screwing up every interaction for the past two weeks, I’m feeling down and alone. Has anybody else had this experience? I’m confused, since I can’t tell if this is psychosomatic or just the real me coming out to play for the first time in decades, and if it’s the latter, I feel like I should just crawl right back into the mask.

Glad to be here—any positive input would be much appreciated. 

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  • I can only say you should never feel alone. I understand and empathise with everything you've said. I am 56, male, undiagnosed but awaiting an appointment with a psychologist. 

    Although my situation isn't quite the same, it bares so many similarities, which is why I felt compelled to respond. Now, where to begin... 

    I have a wife, 2 sons and 2 stepson living with us. I have 3 other stepkids who living in various parts of the UK, as well as a stepdaughter living in Spain. I get on well with my non-bios, that is until this year. I won't go into too much detail because I am also new here and want to post a more detailed story later.

    One of my sons, who is 18, had an autism diagnosis when he was younger. He is doing well. However, his diagnosis got me thinking about my past struggles and let's just say pieces of the jigsaw started to fall into place.

    I have found communication difficult. I have struggled to make and keep friends. I talk to myself. I am obsessed with everything to do with recorded music and can talk for hours about who played on what, when, connections with other artists , record labels and cover artwork. As a kid, I loved watching records turn around and I love memorising the lyrics, finding out what they mean and singing along. I have difficulty understanding people (what they say, their motives and their feelings). As you can see, it all fits the bill.

    Fast forward to now: my marriage has crumbled and I'm planning to move out, but have nowhere to go. Homelife is fractious and the atmosphere is bordering toxic. I am severely depressed and spend most of my time in the spare room, on my phone or crying.

    It is so hard, but I know it's the start of my path towards enlightenment. I will get there. I have to! And you will to if you keep on keeping on. WinkHeart️Thumbsup

Reply

  • I can only say you should never feel alone. I understand and empathise with everything you've said. I am 56, male, undiagnosed but awaiting an appointment with a psychologist. 

    Although my situation isn't quite the same, it bares so many similarities, which is why I felt compelled to respond. Now, where to begin... 

    I have a wife, 2 sons and 2 stepson living with us. I have 3 other stepkids who living in various parts of the UK, as well as a stepdaughter living in Spain. I get on well with my non-bios, that is until this year. I won't go into too much detail because I am also new here and want to post a more detailed story later.

    One of my sons, who is 18, had an autism diagnosis when he was younger. He is doing well. However, his diagnosis got me thinking about my past struggles and let's just say pieces of the jigsaw started to fall into place.

    I have found communication difficult. I have struggled to make and keep friends. I talk to myself. I am obsessed with everything to do with recorded music and can talk for hours about who played on what, when, connections with other artists , record labels and cover artwork. As a kid, I loved watching records turn around and I love memorising the lyrics, finding out what they mean and singing along. I have difficulty understanding people (what they say, their motives and their feelings). As you can see, it all fits the bill.

    Fast forward to now: my marriage has crumbled and I'm planning to move out, but have nowhere to go. Homelife is fractious and the atmosphere is bordering toxic. I am severely depressed and spend most of my time in the spare room, on my phone or crying.

    It is so hard, but I know it's the start of my path towards enlightenment. I will get there. I have to! And you will to if you keep on keeping on. WinkHeart️Thumbsup

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