Autistic burnout - is there any way to help?

Hi, I’m sorry to hear your son is experiencing burnout. I have actually spend quite a lot of time thinking about this post as it really resonated with me as I’ve personally experienced burnout and I am still recovering and trying to figure things out. There are a lot of things about burnout that I wish I had known - it might have saved me a lot of trouble. I think the first thing to realise is that burnout can build up and accumulate over years and it can therefore also take a very long time to recover. There are a lot of stressors in life for everyone but even more so for autistic individuals as the world is not built for people like us. Many every day situations are high stress , we often mask and especially when we do not know that we are autistic we can try even harder to act the way others do. I experienced this myself - I was diagnosed at 25. I always knew there was something different about me but I didn’t really understand the extent - I think for a lot of things in life I just assumed it was just as difficult for everyone else and that others were just better at hiding it- it didn’t really occur to me until much later when diagnosed and starting to learn more about other autistic people’s experiences, that a lot of neurotypical individuals find situations which are very high stress, anxiety inducing and draining for me, completely trivial. There is a huge temptation to just push through and do what everyone does even if it is incredibly hard for us. This does ‘work’ for a while - in fact it did for years for me but what I didn’t realise is that it took more and more of a toll and I grew ever more exhausted and unwell, even physically ill until I was only a shadow of my former self. It doesn’t help that as we grow older life throws more and more demands on us. I ended up so burnout and physically unwell that I ended up on sick leave for a while and also intermitted from university- but for some reason the time off didn’t really allow me to recover- maybe because it was a very unhappy and unsettling time (I wasn’t in a stable situation) or maybe I didn’t understand the cause of my exhaustion and was trying to fix the wrong thing (i ended up loosing a lot of weight at those times too due to my ibs and autism associated issues around food being exacerbated during times of unhappiness, burnout and stress. I also thought it might still be long covid etc). I also didn’t feel like there was any positive or meaningful activity that I was able to do- i haven’t been able to do my hobbies for years due to injuries and because i was so burnout, everything was so exhausting, it was hard to find joy in anything. I was told I was depressed etc etc. Thinking back I think it was all a consequence of the burnout. I thought I would never recover- sorry I realise all of this is very negative- I’m just trying to explain how it felt.

what I really want you and your son to know is that you can recover, but it can take a really long time and the right conditons. I wish I had known- I had such huge fears I would never feel myself again and that life would keep being so incredibly hard. 
I’m not fully mended but I can tell for first time in years that things are changing- I now have short moments where I feel almost back to my old self, mentally alert, curious etc and life is so so much easier then- things are more fun as well when you have energy- so what made the difference and helped me start to recover? 
I was yet in another bad situation after a long list of bad experiences: for me it was related to my PhD/ work -I desperately wanted to do a PhD (i’m a scientist or at least hoping to be) and it went wrong in various ways, from ending up exploited and not paid for months, to finally having what I thought was a stable position only to have a supervisor who bullied me and then ultimately our lab closed and I was forced to leave. I was in a really bad state and ultimately ended up moving to the other side of the planet (not the plan but just a consequence) in order to take up a PhD position with someone I had worked with in the past and whom I had stayed in touch with- she was aware that I was not functioning anymore - I made this very clear (even bursting into tears on phone, saying I was broken and that i had no clue why she was even offering to hire me). It hasn’t been easy for me to move to a different country where I don’t speak language and don’t know culture and there are still a lot of things I struggle with but for the first time in years I felt safer. My new supervisor seemed so supportive and it allowed me to try and put my own needs first and to also take care of myself and not just prioritise work. I do have a lot of guilt still about taking it more slowly and it can be hard to allow myself to but it has been worth it. It also helps to have something meaningful to do and it really helps when someone believes in you and accepts you the way you are without seeing you as broken. I still struggle though- like right now I can tell I am pushing too much again and desperately need a break and step back but it’s hard to do so when there are work commitments and when you also feel like you are not allowed to - because everyone else is doing more than you and you are doing less than you used to and still feel it is too much. I think it is really hard to accept that you need to step back and be patient and give yourself time - it does help though- I can tell- at moments I feel more alive than in years. 

I am not sure if sharing my experience has helped. I think in terms of your son, I would say 2 weeks is not a long time at all to recover from burnout (if that is the cause)- burnout can develop over years and it can take years even and a lot of changes to recover. I think recognising that burnout exists and could be the cause helps. I think it also really helps to know that you are autistic and that life can be harder for us and more stressful and it’s ok to do things differently in a way that works for us. I think that is key to recover- no longer forcing yourself to do things the way others do them but allowing yourself to find your way and to prioritise your needs. It’s ok to be different. It is of course made harder by the world not being very accepting of differences and in addition the demands of work or university can add additional constraints. But I think it is possible to recover and this is likely a very individual process- your son withdrawing could be his way of protecting himself and doing what he needs in this moment (though of course I don’t know him so can’t judge). I think you are doing the right thing by being there for him without pushing too hard. I have no idea if anything I shared is of use. I hope you both feel better soon!

Hi, I’m sorry to hear your son is experiencing burnout. I have actually spend quite a lot of time thinking about this post as it really resonated with me as I’ve personally experienced burnout and I am still recovering and trying to figure things out. There are a lot of things about burnout that I wish I had known - it might have saved me a lot of trouble. I think the first thing to realise is that burnout can build up and accumulate over years and it can therefore also take a very long time to recover. There are a lot of stressors in life for everyone but even more so for autistic individuals as the world is not built for people like us. Many every day situations are high stress , we often mask and especially when we do not know that we are autistic we can try even harder to act the way others do. I experienced this myself - I was diagnosed at 25. I always knew there was something different about me but I didn’t really understand the extent - I think for a lot of things in life I just assumed it was just as difficult for everyone else and that others were just better at hiding it- it didn’t really occur to me until much later when diagnosed and starting to learn more about other autistic people’s experiences, that a lot of neurotypical individuals find situations which are very high stress, anxiety inducing and draining for me, completely trivial. There is a huge temptation to just push through and do what everyone does even if it is incredibly hard for us. This does ‘work’ for a while - in fact it did for years for me but what I didn’t realise is that it took more and more of a toll and I grew ever more exhausted and unwell, even physically ill until I was only a shadow of my former self. It doesn’t help that as we grow older life throws more and more demands on us. I ended up so burnout and physically unwell that I ended up on sick leave for a while and also intermitted from university- but for some reason the time off didn’t really allow me to recover- maybe because it was a very unhappy and unsettling time (I wasn’t in a stable situation) or maybe I didn’t understand the cause of my exhaustion and was trying to fix the wrong thing (i ended up loosing a lot of weight at those times too due to my ibs and autism associated issues around food being exacerbated during times of unhappiness, burnout and stress. I also thought it might still be long covid etc). I also didn’t feel like there was any positive or meaningful activity that I was able to do- i haven’t been able to do my hobbies for years due to injuries and because i was so burnout, everything was so exhausting, it was hard to find joy in anything. I was told I was depressed etc etc. Thinking back I think it was all a consequence of the burnout. I thought I would never recover- sorry I realise all of this is very negative- I’m just trying to explain how it felt.

what I really want you and your son to know is that you can recover, but it can take a really long time and the right conditons. I wish I had known- I had such huge fears I would never feel myself again and that life would keep being so incredibly hard. 
I’m not fully mended but I can tell for first time in years that things are changing- I now have short moments where I feel almost back to my old self, mentally alert, curious etc and life is so so much easier then- things are more fun as well when you have energy- so what made the difference and helped me start to recover? 
I was yet in another bad situation after a long list of bad experiences: for me it was related to my PhD/ work -I desperately wanted to do a PhD (i’m a scientist or at least hoping to be) and it went wrong in various ways, from ending up exploited and not paid for months, to finally having what I thought was a stable position only to have a supervisor who bullied me and then ultimately our lab closed and I was forced to leave. I was in a really bad state and ultimately ended up moving to the other side of the planet (not the plan but just a consequence) in order to take up a PhD position with someone I had worked with in the past and whom I had stayed in touch with- she was aware that I was not functioning anymore - I made this very clear (even bursting into tears on phone, saying I was broken and that i had no clue why she was even offering to hire me). It hasn’t been easy for me to move to a different country where I don’t speak language and don’t know culture and there are still a lot of things I struggle with but for the first time in years I felt safer. My new supervisor seemed so supportive and it allowed me to try and put my own needs first and to also take care of myself and not just prioritise work. I do have a lot of guilt still about taking it more slowly and it can be hard to allow myself to but it has been worth it. It also helps to have something meaningful to do and it really helps when someone believes in you and accepts you the way you are without seeing you as broken. I still struggle though- like right now I can tell I am pushing too much again and desperately need a break and step back but it’s hard to do so when there are work commitments and when you also feel like you are not allowed to - because everyone else is doing more than you and you are doing less than you used to and still feel it is too much. I think it is really hard to accept that you need to step back and be patient and give yourself time - it does help though- I can tell- at moments I feel more alive than in years. 

I am not sure if sharing my experience has helped. I think in terms of your son, I would say 2 weeks is not a long time at all to recover from burnout (if that is the cause)- burnout can develop over years and it can take years even and a lot of changes to recover. I think recognising that burnout exists and could be the cause helps. I think it also really helps to know that you are autistic and that life can be harder for us and more stressful and it’s ok to do things differently in a way that works for us. I think that is key to recover- no longer forcing yourself to do things the way others do them but allowing yourself to find your way and to prioritise your needs. It’s ok to be different. It is of course made harder by the world not being very accepting of differences and in addition the demands of work or university can add additional constraints. But I think it is possible to recover and this is likely a very individual process- your son withdrawing could be his way of protecting himself and doing what he needs in this moment (though of course I don’t know him so can’t judge). I think you are doing the right thing by being there for him without pushing too hard. I have no idea if anything I shared is of use. I hope you both feel better soon!