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‘Let it go’ how????

Ems

I have a really strong sense of justice and often struggle to see things in other ways. If I think I’m right about something there’s not much that can change my mind, but I am able to admit when I am wrong (reluctantly). 

I get told to ‘let it go’ a lot, especially on political and controversial topics. Something I’m really passionate about is animal rights and cruelty. I really struggle to let things go in a conversation when not only do I know I’m right, there’s actual evidence and facts to support that it is true. This keeps happening when I’m talking to my family. As it’s something I’m passionate about when it comes up in a conversation I try to educate them and it turns into an argument because I can’t let it go and can’t understand how they can’t see these facts and evidence as true and real? 

I then constantly think about it and get frustrated all over again. I hate it. Once someone has done or said something I don’t agree with it’s all I see in them. I really hate it. 

I feel like I’ve rambled a lot but I was just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to ‘let things go’ if that’s even possible for autistics 

Parents
  • Ems said:
    Once someone has done or said something I don’t agree with it’s all I see in them.

    Do you think this is acceptable behaviour on your part?

    The reason I ask is that you engage in the discussions on subjects you disagree on but only you develop this hyperfocus on the one thing they and you don't agree on. You have effectively reduced that person to the one point on a subject that you personally disagree with - does this seem healthy?

    From what you describe you have a real issue in accepting that there are views contrary to yours and yours are the only ones of worth.

    Look at the president of the USA and his approach - he takes the same approach. I'm sure he believes he is right too. You see why such extreme approaches to right/wrong are going to cause problems?

    Once you can start to realise the problematic nature of this reduction of others then you can start on working through how to develop a healthier approach to it but it will take some sort of therapist to help you build up a healthier view - find ways to be more self critical and accept the viewpoints of others, even if they may be abhorrent to you.

    You don't have to accept others as being right - just accept that they have the right to their views, however poorly informed, biassed or idiotic they may seem.

    This will not change your passion for your beliefs, just how you co-exist with others.

    You recognise it is a problem so get a professional to help.

Reply
  • Ems said:
    Once someone has done or said something I don’t agree with it’s all I see in them.

    Do you think this is acceptable behaviour on your part?

    The reason I ask is that you engage in the discussions on subjects you disagree on but only you develop this hyperfocus on the one thing they and you don't agree on. You have effectively reduced that person to the one point on a subject that you personally disagree with - does this seem healthy?

    From what you describe you have a real issue in accepting that there are views contrary to yours and yours are the only ones of worth.

    Look at the president of the USA and his approach - he takes the same approach. I'm sure he believes he is right too. You see why such extreme approaches to right/wrong are going to cause problems?

    Once you can start to realise the problematic nature of this reduction of others then you can start on working through how to develop a healthier approach to it but it will take some sort of therapist to help you build up a healthier view - find ways to be more self critical and accept the viewpoints of others, even if they may be abhorrent to you.

    You don't have to accept others as being right - just accept that they have the right to their views, however poorly informed, biassed or idiotic they may seem.

    This will not change your passion for your beliefs, just how you co-exist with others.

    You recognise it is a problem so get a professional to help.

Children
  • in reply to Iain

    I agree with you. I know it’s not good for me to think like that but I get really caught up in not letting things go and always seeing people for the way they have wronged me or others. I know this is bad and not healthy. I just wanted to know if anyone else experienced the same thing or had any advice on how to overcome it. It’s definitely something I will add to the list of things I need to discuss in therapy so thank you