‘Let it go’ how????

well the alternative if you can't keep quiet is to try and develop that really ceribral aproch. Think less heated argument and more debate club. In fact I think a lot of autistic peope would benifit from joining a debate club ... actually almost everyone would. It should probably be compulsory in schools or something, formal debating.

Thank you for highlighting that this can be a good thing!

A strong sense of justice is one of the 10 Autistica examples of Autistic strengths:

https://www.autistica.org.uk/what-is-autism/autistic-strengths

Sometimes I have worked in roles where that strength was welcomed and harnessed for the wider good (in some other roles the culture / ethos was quite the opposite...and I had to learn to keep my own counsel in those settings).

Thank you, it’s definitely worth thinking about 

I’m glad I’m not the only one! I find it so hard to let go of the argument afterwards especially when it never seems like anything is resolved 

I am similar to you in that I have a strong sense of justice that can come to the fore when people are being persecuted, slandered or treated badly. This can extend to other things such as animal welfare, politics and climate change. 

I think as I’ve got older I have learned to think of the other person as divided into several boxes, with the ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ bits making up only a tiny proportion of the whole person. Just because I disagree with some bits doesn’t take away from the person’s inherent value as a human, and if humans are valuable, they are worth more than their opinion or action. To think this way takes huge amounts of effort so usually it’s a case of taking deep breaths/biting my lip until enough time has passed to process the situation.

I don’t always find it easy, but sometimes it’s better to walk away and hold on to your principles. Of course, that doesn’t mean you need to be a walkover if you feel your opinion is called for. Some people seem to be better than others at assessing a situation and intervening in a way that doesn’t annoy people, but many of us aren’t. Confrontation tends not to be effective anyway - better to think of a way to direct your passion in a positive direction.

I am very much the same, as of when someone (or rather somebody!) proposes something which I think to be either stupid, idiotic or merely ill-informed I will (really quite unintentionally) lecture them on as to how wrong they are for a really very long time indeed - to the point by which it becomes very annoying and (really quite often) upsetting for the other person, and then afterward engage in an unpleasant verbal-based spar. I am completely unaware that I do this, and only know that I do so as of the other person becoming (to put it in the mildest of manners) not very happy, and angrily shouting at me - so that I will stop! And, even after the initial conversation has subsided, I cannot seem to "drop it" (which I think to be a really very good think actually, because really quite often the such topics of conflict are left both unresolved and unsolved) and will often continue speaking, much to my own detrement - and ultimate peril! What I often do to deal with this is to wear a T-shirt which simply states: "I'm not arguing! I'm just explaining as to why I'm right - and as to why you're wrong!" ("And I'm, of course, perfectly righteous because I own a sentient jar of oxidised maramalade - which ultimately makes me superior.") In all seriousness, I usually try to distract myself from the such topic, and really quite decreetly, a later stage, perhaps when the such person is asleep, restate my viewpoint so that I can subliminally message them into agreeing with me! And really very luckily I so happen to be right. :-)

That’s good that you had friends to help you out. Perhaps luckily for me I only get into these situations/arguments with my family. Althoigh there has been many times I’ve wanted to with people I don’t know

Ems said:

I just wanted to know if anyone else experienced the same thing

Absolutely - I used to get into all sorts of social trouble at university for being unyielding in my views. Luckily I had some friends that really spelled it out for me then and I took a big step back and started listening and asking more so I could understand other peoples viewpoints and, probably somewhat maliciously, made them expose the failings in their own arguements while explaining their views.

I left on poor Jehovas witness in tears when he tried to persuade me about his view on God and I used my athiest viewpoint to get them to admit their perspective was based on hope and an organisation that profited rom their efforts.

Not my finest hour.

Thank you I will definitely think on those questions 

Thank you for your advice. I generally try not to bring things up with people who I know don’t agree, but it’s hard not to comment and speak my beliefs when it’s brought up by them. 

I agree with you. I know it’s not good for me to think like that but I get really caught up in not letting things go and always seeing people for the way they have wronged me or others. I know this is bad and not healthy. I just wanted to know if anyone else experienced the same thing or had any advice on how to overcome it. It’s definitely something I will add to the list of things I need to discuss in therapy so thank you 

In my experience most people do not change their minds about things when you try to ‘persaude them’ and/or argue about them. In case I think it can sometimes make people stick to their own view even more stubbornly when you keep pushing them to adopt your own point of view. All that happens is that people dig in further to their ‘side’ - and it causes lots of tension and it’s often exhausting and fruitless. 
I think you could ask yourself: is this good for me? Does doing this actually help anyone or anything? And is it actually causing me harm in terms of stress and the energy you’re expending on it. Be honest with yourself: is this a helpful or unhelpful thing that you are doing? Does it make you feel better or worse? And is it achieving anything? It might be that when you are really think about this deeply you’ll come to a conclusion about what the best course of action is. 

Thank you this is a good outlook to think about 

I agree with you. I really try not to get caught up or even start the conversation/argument in the first place, but sometimes I get so frustrated and can’t stop myself 

"Many of the truths we cling to depend heavily on our own point of view" (Obi Wan Kenobi)

The Belief Web: NT beliefs are symbolic, which is to say NTs generally think and believe in terms of culturally defined symbols... An assumption that "Beethoven is great" could exist in the mind of someone who has not come to that conclusion himself, but has picked up on the belief in the exact same way that he picked up the meaning of words as a child by hearing others use them. In that way, "Beethoven is great" becomes a cultural truth that is nearly universally accepted and rarely evaluated. (A field guide to earthlings by Ian Ford)

NTs are also mostly influenced by people who are good at influencing others. Autistic people rarely have that skill. Even amongst autistic people there can be differences of opinion on what is true, for example some people might go vegan as their truth is that all farming of animals is cruel. But to others, even those who consider the facts dispassionately rather than following a cultural belief, their truth may be that it is ok to farm animals as we are naturally omnivores, as long as the animals are given sufficient food, water, shelter, space and health care and not treated cruelly.

I understand your passion as I was a keen supporter of animal rights charities in the late 1970s - I signed petitions against animal testing and bought cosmetics from companies that didn't test on animals. But if people don't want to hear you, it's almost impossible to make them listen.

My advice would be to hold true to your beliefs and be active in lobbying your MP about things your are passionate about and signing petitions, but try to accept that trying to make people believe your truths may cause more hassle for you than it's worth. If you want to have good family relationships, it's necessary to focus on what you have in common and allow for differences of opinion. 

Ems said:

Once someone has done or said something I don’t agree with it’s all I see in them.

Do you think this is acceptable behaviour on your part?

The reason I ask is that you engage in the discussions on subjects you disagree on but only you develop this hyperfocus on the one thing they and you don't agree on. You have effectively reduced that person to the one point on a subject that you personally disagree with - does this seem healthy?

From what you describe you have a real issue in accepting that there are views contrary to yours and yours are the only ones of worth.

Look at the president of the USA and his approach - he takes the same approach. I'm sure he believes he is right too. You see why such extreme approaches to right/wrong are going to cause problems?

Once you can start to realise the problematic nature of this reduction of others then you can start on working through how to develop a healthier approach to it but it will take some sort of therapist to help you build up a healthier view - find ways to be more self critical and accept the viewpoints of others, even if they may be abhorrent to you.

You don't have to accept others as being right - just accept that they have the right to their views, however poorly informed, biassed or idiotic they may seem.

This will not change your passion for your beliefs, just how you co-exist with others.

You recognise it is a problem so get a professional to help.

I guess I think that no matter how much I try to change someone else's views. No matter how passionate. How logical. How persuasive. Most of the time, I ain't going to change another person's world view.

That said. I think it is so important to be authentic and not let go of what is important to us. 

I love this quote from Temple Grandin. I have removed part of the quote, but the remaining part is what makes me smile. 

"You would have a bunch of people standing around in a cave, chatting and socializing and not getting anything done.” – Temple Grandin

So I do try to let things go. But I am old now and have let things go (a little). Like that ?Autistic Icon Elsa. Sometimes, let it go.

Ultimatly a lot of arguments come down to really fundamental value judgments. Anmal rights is a perfect example of this. It tends to come down to whether or not you belive animals have a 'soul' or what ever other quality you belive diferentiates humans from say a very clever computer. Is it the ability to feel pain? Depending on how you define pain plents feel pain. You can come up with multipul defintions and theories to explain what makes humans special and depending on your belifes here animals might be a valuble as a squishy organic toster or almost as valuble as a human being.

Unless you can aproch it very ceribraly without taking offence it's best not to get too caught up in the argument.