Since I retired I've been out for lunch with ex colleagues a few times. But lately I've started to feel like I don't want to do that any more, and I've been trying to work out why.
When I discovered I was on the spectrum, I read loads and learned about autism and how NTs are different to us. I decided to put my knowledge into practice to enable me to strengthen my relationships with colleagues. It worked and I was pleased, because I felt more accepted. I also learned about masking and thought I had unmasked quite successfully, but now I'm no longer working and have time to think about exactly what I want, I'm not so sure I was so successful.
I asked Google today why I as an autistic person didn't want to socialise and got an interesting result - an article on The Conversation website titled "Children with autism shouldn't be forced to socialise" (I'm not going to post a link in case I get put in spam prison) It started by explaining that most people get a hit of the feel good chemicals oxytocin & dopamine when they see a face and socially engage with another human being, even if they are a stranger!. Most autistic people don't. Wow. So NTs get instantly rewarded by their brain for seeking out people and interacting with them. The article goes on to explain how you can train an autistic child to socialise by giving physical rewards such as a sweet or toy, but questions why anyone would do this when they don't intrinsically need or enjoy it?
I've always tried to fit in and have copied others to help me do this. I think that although my brain doesn't reward me for being sociable, some of the people in my life I've been close to have rewarded me by giving approval for that behaviour. Plus the fear of being bullied if my behaviour isn't acceptable has always been there since school days So I think that I've still been masking in a way - I thought I was doing something that pleased me, but I was doing it to please others and fit in. Now I'm not influenced by work colleagues, I'm really happy just spending time alone and with my partner, and interacting here where there is no.pressure and I can take time to read posts and think about what I want to say. I have no need or desire to socialise
I'm not sure how one tells a NT person that they don't want to see them face to face any more without upsetting them though?
