• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 85 subscribers
  • Views 175 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Family members making fun of me

Alien0n3arth

I’ve been lurking here, not much active for quite some time. I feel tired of everything. It’s probably burnout. The only thing I crave is solitude, my laptop and graphic tablet or paper and colors to paint pictures. I crave it I need it like the air I have ideas what I would paint, yet I’m overwhelmed by constant presence of other people around. This is probably not much related to autism, but a normal natural thing and just my introversion. 
i also have some contact to my family (parents and siblings) and I feel I would love to cut it. But at the same time I don’t want to and I can’t. 
my family members, especially my mom and sister (future psychologist) make fun of my anxiety and obsessions. It goes always together- I fear something and I think about it excessively and can’t stop getting busy with it. It’s not my special interest, that are always positive, give me joy and as I say - fuel my life. So my family has fun of it, they also recall eagerly my “dramas” from the past. Yeah, meltdowns I had if something was misplaced. Also my dissociative states when I couldn’t control myself at all, and my “quirky” repetitive behaviors, that create me more troubles in life, but for them it’s funny how I look like “insane” when I do it. I have no idea how to speak to them anymore. I have a lot of resentment towards my mom for her ignorance and gaslighting. I would like to tell them, what I think but I’m afraid of being screamed at or even beaten up by them, as I was already threatened in the past. They would have never believed that “the weirdo” has actually some level of disability and needs help instead of bullying. I always lose in discussions because I have slower auditory processing, so I usually stare with blank face and try to make sense of what was said while others happily close the topic with whatever idiotic answer they give me  and move on. If I wanna go back to that topic and say something, then I’m difficult. Also if my mom can not defend herself against my argument or simple question, then she also calls me difficult etc. 

I’m not sure if anyone can advise anything, probably not, maybe someone has some dort of similar experience and would like to share their story. 

Parents

  • I had really unsupportive parents, and both them and my brother felt very domineering and intimidating to me. I was the vulnerable, sensitive person  in the family and they saw that as weakness and didn’t respect me. It was very hard to grow up in that environment and as an adult that dynamic continued. Fortunately I met my husband and that’s when I realised I could experience true acceptance, understanding and love. It was AMAZING to feel that way finally!

    All human beings deserve to be treated with respect and kindness - especially by their family and loved ones. I’m not sure how you can improve your families attitude to you. I tried very hard with my parents to improve our relationships- I even wrote letters to my dad to try to improve the relationship and make it less abusive towards me. But he refused to read my letters (my mother told me this) and he never changed. He recently died and (I know many people would find this a shocking thing to say) I felt a measure of relief that now he could no longer say such awful things to me ever again. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to me my whole life and it had a long term impact on myself esteem.

    Sometimes family really lets us down and are not the loving, supportive unit they’re meant to be. Try not to absorb the negativity. And try (and I know this is hard for autistic people) to find other people who WILL treat you nicely and with respect. Because toxic relationships really do take their toll on us and life is too short to just put up with that. 

Reply

  • I had really unsupportive parents, and both them and my brother felt very domineering and intimidating to me. I was the vulnerable, sensitive person  in the family and they saw that as weakness and didn’t respect me. It was very hard to grow up in that environment and as an adult that dynamic continued. Fortunately I met my husband and that’s when I realised I could experience true acceptance, understanding and love. It was AMAZING to feel that way finally!

    All human beings deserve to be treated with respect and kindness - especially by their family and loved ones. I’m not sure how you can improve your families attitude to you. I tried very hard with my parents to improve our relationships- I even wrote letters to my dad to try to improve the relationship and make it less abusive towards me. But he refused to read my letters (my mother told me this) and he never changed. He recently died and (I know many people would find this a shocking thing to say) I felt a measure of relief that now he could no longer say such awful things to me ever again. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to me my whole life and it had a long term impact on myself esteem.

    Sometimes family really lets us down and are not the loving, supportive unit they’re meant to be. Try not to absorb the negativity. And try (and I know this is hard for autistic people) to find other people who WILL treat you nicely and with respect. Because toxic relationships really do take their toll on us and life is too short to just put up with that. 

Children
No Data