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Family members making fun of me

Alien0n3arth

I’ve been lurking here, not much active for quite some time. I feel tired of everything. It’s probably burnout. The only thing I crave is solitude, my laptop and graphic tablet or paper and colors to paint pictures. I crave it I need it like the air I have ideas what I would paint, yet I’m overwhelmed by constant presence of other people around. This is probably not much related to autism, but a normal natural thing and just my introversion. 
i also have some contact to my family (parents and siblings) and I feel I would love to cut it. But at the same time I don’t want to and I can’t. 
my family members, especially my mom and sister (future psychologist) make fun of my anxiety and obsessions. It goes always together- I fear something and I think about it excessively and can’t stop getting busy with it. It’s not my special interest, that are always positive, give me joy and as I say - fuel my life. So my family has fun of it, they also recall eagerly my “dramas” from the past. Yeah, meltdowns I had if something was misplaced. Also my dissociative states when I couldn’t control myself at all, and my “quirky” repetitive behaviors, that create me more troubles in life, but for them it’s funny how I look like “insane” when I do it. I have no idea how to speak to them anymore. I have a lot of resentment towards my mom for her ignorance and gaslighting. I would like to tell them, what I think but I’m afraid of being screamed at or even beaten up by them, as I was already threatened in the past. They would have never believed that “the weirdo” has actually some level of disability and needs help instead of bullying. I always lose in discussions because I have slower auditory processing, so I usually stare with blank face and try to make sense of what was said while others happily close the topic with whatever idiotic answer they give me  and move on. If I wanna go back to that topic and say something, then I’m difficult. Also if my mom can not defend herself against my argument or simple question, then she also calls me difficult etc. 

I’m not sure if anyone can advise anything, probably not, maybe someone has some dort of similar experience and would like to share their story. 

  • I had slightly different problems with my parents & sibling, but I cut off contact with them in my early 30s. Never regretted it - I don't want people in my life who bring negativity.

    Although my brain can often work fast and I'm hyperlexic (can read & absorb text fast) my auditory processing is slow, and so I also often can't think of a good reply in conversations. Also I can think of a time when a colleague made me feel a bit stupid - when I told her I was excited about getting a new game, she asked "how old are you?" with a grin. I don't think she meant to make me feel bad - she was always nice to me on every other occasion - but I did feel like I had said something "wrong".

    I am also preferring solitude or being just with my partner these days. You are not alone, try not to let people upset you. Take care and hope you feel better soon.

  • My family don't make fun of me in any serious way, but I can identify so much with that thing about needing to go back to a topic everyone has already rushed on from, panicking increasingly as the hope of doing so seems to recede to the horizon, and then having to flag up a crippling anxiety, mid-conversation, about how not getting closure or additional mental homework done on the abandoned topic - then and there- will leave me agitated and fixated for the rest of the day... or week... or....

  • I had really unsupportive parents, and both them and my brother felt very domineering and intimidating to me. I was the vulnerable, sensitive person  in the family and they saw that as weakness and didn’t respect me. It was very hard to grow up in that environment and as an adult that dynamic continued. Fortunately I met my husband and that’s when I realised I could experience true acceptance, understanding and love. It was AMAZING to feel that way finally!

    All human beings deserve to be treated with respect and kindness - especially by their family and loved ones. I’m not sure how you can improve your families attitude to you. I tried very hard with my parents to improve our relationships- I even wrote letters to my dad to try to improve the relationship and make it less abusive towards me. But he refused to read my letters (my mother told me this) and he never changed. He recently died and (I know many people would find this a shocking thing to say) I felt a measure of relief that now he could no longer say such awful things to me ever again. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to me my whole life and it had a long term impact on myself esteem.

    Sometimes family really lets us down and are not the loving, supportive unit they’re meant to be. Try not to absorb the negativity. And try (and I know this is hard for autistic people) to find other people who WILL treat you nicely and with respect. Because toxic relationships really do take their toll on us and life is too short to just put up with that. 

  • I think we can all get spells like that.  Positivity seems to come and go in waves.  I've noticed others in this place post - sounding cheerful for days on end only to gradually sound a little more glum and sometimes disappear temporarily or for longer.  

    I suppose that this forum can give us a snapshot of the real world.  Somedays I want to write loads, other days less.  Somedays I realise I may sound grumpy, sometimes less so.  As you suggest, there are days that I read posts and (with all due respect) there's nothing that inspires me to write - and its not really the posts, its more my state of mind on a given day.

    Sometimes burnout as you suggest.  Sometimes depression takes a hand.  I may well have ADHD and don't always read all of the posts properly....  I think everything has to be in sync for things to feel reasonably good, and sometimes they just don't.  

    Sorry if this sounds like a ramble, I thought I knew where I was headed with this answer, but now I'm not so sure.   I do believe things come in cycles though, so looking forward to seeing you feel better in time.  

  • I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time at the moment, I hope things improve for you soon.

    I can relate to some of the issues you’re having with your family. I have never had a massively positive relationship with them especially my mum. It sounds like quite a toxic dynamic which most would recommend going no contact. However, I understand that’s not possible. For me going no contact would have been best but it wasn’t possible. I distanced myself instead so I would still contact my mum but not as frequently as i previously did. 

    I would also recommend telling them your feelings if possible. This doesn’t have to be verbally you could do it in a letter or by text. Maybe, if you don’t feel comfortable sharing your feelings to them keep what you have written down to show at a later stage as just getting your feelings out can be helpful.

    Family is so tricky and my advice may not be helpful but I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone and don’t let your family make you feel like your worth less.

  • Nice to see your still around AlienOn3arth and I’m sorry to hear you are struggling with burnout. I am also sorry that you are experiencing bullying from family members which must be really difficult for you. 

    Alien0n3arth said:
    because I have slower auditory processing, so I usually stare with blank face and try to make sense of what was said while others happily close the topic with whatever idiotic answer they give me  and move on.

    I can very much relate to this and I too do not process things fast enough to be able to hold my ground in a discussion. After the discussion I usually come up with a lot of things that I could have said but sadly it’s too late then. 

    I suppose in a way I get bullied too by someone very close to me but I never seem to be able to deal with it in the right way. 
    I think when these people give us reasons to we have to distance ourselves from them to protect ourselves which it sounds like you are trying to do.

    I do hope that you are feeling better soon but in the meantime stay safe and look after yourself